Once again the powers that be have heeded my latest blog (11/21/2010). In stunning news, the Obama administration announced that they have brokered a deal between the TSA and AMA. The two groups have agreed in principle to a solution for the grievances of the air traveling public.
In a joint announcement, the principals said they are using a “two birds with one stone” approach to this troubling situation. Beginning on the first of the new year, interns and first year residents will take over some of the duties currently performed by the TSA agents. It will work like this: if you opt out of the x-ray scanner you will be sent to private cubicle where you will receive an abbreviated annual physical. The men will be asked to “turn and cough” and then have a prostate exam while the ladies will have the breast and gynecologic exam performed. Assuming the doctors find no cancerous tumors or C4 explosives, you will be allowed to board your flight. The cost of this will be covered by Obamacare. Of course, as also dictated by the Obamacare legislation, you will be fined if it is determined that you did not previously purchase flight insurance.
The administration was quick to note that this agreement with the AMA was only temporary. A spokesman stated: “we are presently working on reprogramming the military’s bomb disposal robots to do the physical exam. When we bring these non gender specific automatons on line it should calm the public’s fears about being groped by gay TSA agents.”
In related news, Al Gore has petitioned the TSA to allow him to set up carbon credit kiosks in the exam rooms. Reasoned the world’s biggest producer of CO2, “as long as you’re willing to let us take away your last shred of dignity, why not your last dollar too?”