A couple of days ago I came across a humorous article about funny pick-up lines young men use in matters D’Amor. As a happily married man for 55 years, God forbid I should ever need one. But I got to thinking, how would the 60 years distance from my rapscallion days affect my using those same pick-up lines nowadays? Would the old Al be as effective as the young Al?

Let’s look at 10 possibilities, shall we?

1. Then: “You look pretty hip…shall we talk about it?”

Now: “You look pretty hip…are they both replacements?”

2. Then: “You come here often?”

Now: “You fall here often?”

3. Then: “Do you like raisins? How would you feel about a date?”

Now: “Do you like raisins?” “How you would feel about some prunes?”

4. Then: “Well, here I am. Now what are your other two wishes?” 

Now: “Well, here I am. Now, what did I come in here for again?”

5. Then: “I wondered if you had an extra heart. Mine was just stolen.”

Now: “I wondered if you had an extra heart. I might need a transplant soon.”

6. Then: “Something must be wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off of you.”

Now: “Something must be wrong with my eyes. Do you know a good cataract surgeon?“

7. Then: “Do you know CPR? You’re taking my breath away!“

Now: “Do you know CPR? No, seriously, do you know CPR?“

8. Then: “I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?”

Now: “I’m lost. But I have a bracelet that tells me where I live.”

9. Then: “Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.”

Now: “Your hand looks heavy. Is it water retention?”

10. Then: “Your name Chamomile? Perfect, because you sure are a “hot-tea”!

Now: “Your name Chamomile? What a coincidence, I drink Chamomile for my diarrhea.”

Like I said, “God forbid!”