Pick-up Lines for Geriatrics.

A couple of days ago I came across a humorous article about funny pick-up lines young men use in matters D’Amor. As a happily married man for 55 years, God forbid I should ever need one. But I got to thinking, how would the 60 years distance from my rapscallion days affect my using those same pick-up lines nowadays? Would the old Al be as effective as the young Al?

Let’s look at 10 possibilities, shall we?

1. Then: “You look pretty hip…shall we talk about it?”

Now: “You look pretty hip…are they both replacements?”

2. Then: “You come here often?”

Now: “You fall here often?”

3. Then: “Do you like raisins? How would you feel about a date?”

Now: “Do you like raisins?” “How you would feel about some prunes?”

4. Then: “Well, here I am. Now what are your other two wishes?” 

Now: “Well, here I am. Now, what did I come in here for again?”

5. Then: “I wondered if you had an extra heart. Mine was just stolen.”

Now: “I wondered if you had an extra heart. I might need a transplant soon.”

6. Then: “Something must be wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off of you.”

Now: “Something must be wrong with my eyes. Do you know a good cataract surgeon?

7. Then: “Do you know CPR? You’re taking my breath away!

Now: “Do you know CPR? No, seriously, do you know CPR?

8. Then: “I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?”

Now: “I’m lost. But I have a bracelet that tells me where I live.”

9. Then: “Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.”

Now: “Your hand looks heavy. Is it water retention?”

10. Then: “Your name Chamomile? Perfect, because you sure are a “hot-tea”!

Now: “Your name Chamomile? What a coincidence, I drink Chamomile for my diarrhea.”

Like I said, “God forbid!”

7 thoughts on “Pick-up Lines for Geriatrics.

  1. Your writing just keeps getting better and better! I laughed at every ‘line’ in this post.

    Guess what? At our age, it is the women trying to pick up the men and the competition is fierce! (At least, that is what an 84 year old male friend of mine tells me.)

    • Since the life expectancy of men is 72 versus women’s 79 I don’t doubt the competition is fierce. Maybe threesomes will be the answer to keeping all the women happy. Poor guys.

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

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