Smartphone: The 12-Step Program

Sadly, we have become a society addicted to our smartphones. From the dangerous practice of texting while driving, to simply walking into sign posts while looking at our phones, we have become grievously void of face-to-face personal interaction. While it is easy to blame this on Covid restrictions, we all know the real truth….we’re phone junkies. Fortunately, there is help. Smartphones Anonymous, or SA meetings have begun forming and chances are there is a chapter near you now. Follow the simple 12-step program outlined below:

We admit we are powerless over our smartphones, but don’t really care.

We came to believe there is a power greater than ourselves…a phone charger.

Made a decision to turn our lives over to God, however we perceive him, even if he is an Apple I-phone snob.

Made a fearless and searching moral inventory of how many times we have surreptitiously played the game “Wordle” on our phone during a business meeting.

Admitted to God and ourselves the exact nature of and number of times we have sexted.

Admitted we are entirely ready to have God remove these sexts prior to the discovery process in litigation.

Humbly asked him to remove all our defects of character, though to do so would pretty much make us a nonentity.

Made a list of all persons we unfriended because of their political opinion and became willing to make amends to them.

Made direct amends by re-friending such people, but still held open the option to block them later.

Continued to take personal inventory of the times we texted to the wrong address by mistake, like the time we accidently texted a porn link to the boss lady.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscientiousness with God, as we understand him, and asked that in his mercy, he grant us free lifetime replacement every time we drop our phone in the toilet.

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these 12 Steps, we promise to carry the message to the poor bastards that are also addicts of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and Snapchat.

Oh, how far we have regressed.

Be sure to be on the lookout for my next post: “Amazon….The 12-Step Program.”

17 thoughts on “Smartphone: The 12-Step Program

    • Reminds me of a joke, Peter. Doctor texts to patient: “I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.” Patient: What’s the good news? Doctor: “Based on the last tests we took it looks like you only have half a year to live.” Patient: “What??!! That’s the good news?! My God, what’s the bad news?” Doctor: “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for the past 6 months.”

  1. Hehe! So true.

    And I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve frowned at the world around me, everyone heads down to their phones in queues, waiting rooms, etc…and then looked back at my own phone to carry on playing Gummy Drop.

  2. Well dang – I can’t even get past step 1. Going to be a LLLLOOOOONNNNNGGGGG road to recovery for me. That said, I don’t really rely on my “smart” phone for very much. I still have phone numbers memorized and I still use a good old-fashioned calculator and a kitchen timer when I need it, even though those features are on my phone (somewhere). I also have flashlights all over the house because I don’t carry my phone around with me like a lot of folks do. Most of the time the batteries are dead in those flashlights when I need to use them, but whatever.

    Thanks for showing me the error of my ways. Here’s hoping I can start down the road to recovery soon. Heaven help me in my calculator stops working because I don’t know where that app is on my phone and I SUCK at math.

    Have a lovely day my friend.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    • Funny you should mention that. Though I’m pretty well versed around computers, I’m tech challenged about all the things my phone can do. I text but don’t use it to make calls because it’s harder for me to understand people. My home phone is a caption phone. Anyway, good to hear someone is still dealing with in person contact, just like the old days! Thanks for the comment. By the way, we got 7 inches of snow…a rare event for us.

  3. For reasons too complex for a comment, I have started off the new year with difficulty. I have replaced my flip phone (3G) and my Mexican smart phone (also 3G) with one U.S. smart phone that will actually work going forward. It was not easy to even purchase a phone while retaining my phone number during the Christmas season. (A long story of waiting in lines and walking away empty handed.) I may not need your 12 step program at this point because I got so frustrated about 2 years ago with the ego of the tech industry that I abandoned all social media and am happier for it. Does social media include a blog? I didn’t walk away from that because I am not aware of WordPress censoring anyone. My journey aside, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your 12 step program. Good ideas. I hope they work for you.๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚

    • Wow, Linda. Looks like you have a blog right there. What a hassle! No, blogging is not social media. I prefer to think of it a platform for an erudite selflessly furthering the knowledge of a grateful public.

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

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