Smartphone: The 12-Step Program

Sadly, we have become a society addicted to our smartphones. From the dangerous practice of texting while driving, to simply walking into sign posts while looking at our phones, we have become grievously void of face-to-face personal interaction. While it is easy to blame this on Covid restrictions, we all know the real truth….we’re phone junkies. Fortunately, there is help. Smartphones Anonymous, or SA meetings have begun forming and chances are there is a chapter near you now. Follow the simple 12-step program outlined below:

We admit we are powerless over our smartphones, but don’t really care.

We came to believe there is a power greater than ourselves…a phone charger.

Made a decision to turn our lives over to God, however we perceive him, even if he is an Apple I-phone snob.

Made a fearless and searching moral inventory of how many times we have surreptitiously played the game “Wordle” on our phone during a business meeting.

Admitted to God and ourselves the exact nature of and number of times we have sexted.

Admitted we are entirely ready to have God remove these sexts prior to the discovery process in litigation.

Humbly asked him to remove all our defects of character, though to do so would pretty much make us a nonentity.

Made a list of all persons we unfriended because of their political opinion and became willing to make amends to them.

Made direct amends by re-friending such people, but still held open the option to block them later.

Continued to take personal inventory of the times we texted to the wrong address by mistake, like the time we accidently texted a porn link to the boss lady.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscientiousness with God, as we understand him, and asked that in his mercy, he grant us free lifetime replacement every time we drop our phone in the toilet.

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these 12 Steps, we promise to carry the message to the poor bastards that are also addicts of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and Snapchat.

Oh, how far we have regressed.

Be sure to be on the lookout for my next post: “Amazon….The 12-Step Program.”