1. The “if she sinks to the bottom she must be a witch” award to the evangelists in Ghana who tortured a witch “confession” out of a 72 year old grandmother and then proceeded to burn her alive. The leader of the group, a pastor, claims it was just an exorcism gone wrong. Religious fanaticism again in one of its finest hours.
2. The “did you want nuts with that?” award to the producers of the new whipped cream product that also contains about 18% alcohol. Not surprisingly, it has become a big hit on college campuses where our youth go to learn how to deal with life’s many challenges.
3. The “where was Al Gore when we really needed him?” award to Sergey Zimov, director of the internationally funded Northeast Science Station. According to Zimov, even though the global warming event of 10,000 years ago was significantly worse than today’s alleged event, it was still man that was responsible for the extinction of the woolly mammoth. Contrary to the long held belief that perhaps the warming event and extinction was caused by either solar activity or a slight shift in the earth’s orbit, Zimov is sure that early man’s “over-hunting” of the great creature was the real culprit. Not to mention, Mr. Zimov, if only man had left these beautiful beasts alone and starved or frozen to death, none of us would be here today burning all these fossil fuels.
4. The “that will be 150,000,000,000 pesos for one hour please” award to Angeles Duran of Spain. Duran has registered the Sun with a local notary public as being her property.She took the step in September after reading about an American man who had registered himself as the owner of the moon and most planets in our solar system. Duran plans to charge everyone for use of the Sun and give the proceeds to charities while keeping only a paltry 10% for herself. Oddly, there is an international agreement that prohibits nations from claiming ownership of planets or stars but says nothing about individuals claiming ownership. Talk about your world class loopholes!
5. The “I didn’t kill her, I killed the demon inside her” award to Michael Brea. Brea, a part time actor on the canceled “Ugly Betty” TV series, actually said that after he hacked his mother to death because he thought she was possessed. Brea is currently residing in a rubber room in Bellevue hospital where he receives daily visits from God.
6. The “one too many friend requests” award to the woman in Toledo, Ohio who stabbed a man over a Facebook posting. The last we heard, the man defriended her on his homepage.
And the winner of this Edition’s awards:
7. The “who could have predicted it?” award to a mall in Cerritos, California (where else?). The mall food court was closed Friday morning when a fight broke out amongst the patrons. The mall was having a midnight madness event to get a jump on Black Friday shopping. The fight broke out around 2:30 AM. Seems there were a few intoxicated shoppers who don’t subscribe to California’s “can’t we all just get along” philosophy. Go figure.