Pictured above: Chris Matthews immediately after someone mentioned Obama
This just in: the warm tingle that Chris Matthews feels in his leg every time he talks about Barack Obama turns out to be medically induced. After being encouraged by his disbelieving wife to see a doctor, Matthews, host of MSNBC’s “Hardball”, relented and submitted to an MRI.
After reviewing the images and a personal exam, doctors informed Matthews that the cause of the warm tingling feeling in his leg was actually twofold. Apparently Matthews suffers from occasional bouts of incontinence. Doctors proffered this as the reason Matthews seems constantly pissed off about something. More importantly however, was the discovery that Matthews suffered from a disease that has only recently been given a medical term, “Liberosocialisticfawnitis”. In layman’s terms, it simply means the inability to differentiate between artfully persuasive speech and reality. Oddly, the symptoms manifest in the form of a warm tingly feeling running up the leg. The good news is that the symptom usually only occurs during campaign rallies, political conventions and whenever the word entitlement is mentioned.
An even rarer form of this disease is when the symptom is induced by an image or mention of someone’s name. This appears to be the unfortunate case for Matthews. In those specific instances the ailment is referred to as “Liberosocialisticfawnitis Obamanosis.” Sadly, as of this writing, there is no known cure. Symptomatic treatment involves the patient reciting over and over the catchphrase “ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” However, studies show that most patients stop treatment after 1 or 2 recitations stating that it is “just too painful.”
In his first interview since the diagnosis, reporters obviously trying to prod Matthews, asked why he was gushing so over Obama’s visit to Ireland, comparing it to their love affair for Kennedy nearly 50 years earlier. He retorted, while seeming to rub his right thigh, “sure and begorrah, tis President of the world he is now!” When asked about his new-found medical condition he declined to comment, saying only that he would be seeing Dr. Howard Dean for a second opinion.