Polyunsaturated trans fat crime.

This past weekend, police arrested two brothers for robbing a Dunkin’ Donuts store in Canton, Massachusetts. As it turns out, they may be responsible for robbing more than 30 Dunkin’ Donuts stores in the Boston area. http://www.thebostonchannel.com/r/29759799/detail.html

OK, to begin with, I will admit I’ve never met a donut I didn’t like. In fact, my youngest granddaughter accuses me of going to church strictly because they have donuts at the fellowship hour afterward. Why, just the other night I was saying to some friends at a meeting, “Hi, my name is Al and I’m a donutholic.”

Anyway, my addiction is not so bad that I have resorted to robbing Dunkin’ Donuts. I’ve fantasized about it yes, but that’s all. So you can understand that I have some empathy for these two brothers. Oh sure, the police say they were desperate for money and in fact they did take cash drawers and break into safes while committing these crimes. But I alone see through this charade. Taking the money was their cover, what they really wanted was the donuts. They’re just in denial. I can remember the relief I felt the first time I went to a Donuts Anonymous meeting and bared my soul. But that’s a story for another blog.

“Oh, and please give me two sour creams with that cash drawer, will ya?”

Just think about it. At this time of year there’s always a few tempting trays of specialty donuts. What mortal being could resist a pumpkin spice, egg nog, or apple cider donut? These guys obviously couldn’t. And of all the people who you’d think would have sympathy and understanding for a donut dependency, it would be the cops. Go figure.

The arresting officer just moments after making the collar.

Well, I’m not condoning crime, but shouldn’t some leniency be shown to these poor guys? Don’t we try to rehabilitate people who have alcohol and drug habits? Why is a fried cake fetish any different? I’m talking about something like a “scared straight” program where they would have to do community service at a fat farm. Or maybe just making them watch 50 straight episodes of “The Biggest Loser.”  Certainly in this time of advanced technology, there must be an electronic bracelet that gives you a shock every time you hoist a cream-filled to your mouth.

The patented “Donut Tattle Tale”

Well, I guess the good news for the Boston area is that, for now, these donut thieves are off the street. Thankfully, that means the only peril now in going to one of the area Dunkin’ Donut shops is waiting in line behind the lady who can’t decide how she wants her two dozen donuts mixed.

So, if you will indulge me, I’d like to close this blog with our DA prayer: “Lord, grant me the serenity to appreciate a healthy bowl of cereal, the courage turn down a double chocolate with sprinkles and the wisdom to know the difference.

** All pictures via Google Images**

26 thoughts on “Polyunsaturated trans fat crime.

  1. Hilarious, Al! George and I fantasize about moving to Boston where there is a Dunkin’ Donuts on every corner. He always gets a chocolate frosted and I’m a jelly doughnut girl. Oooh, just writing this makes my mouth water!

  2. Pingback: Who knew? « Schmidleysscribbling

  3. Ahhh! the wisdom to know the difference. There is always a catch. Funny you should write this today, I just sent David to Dunkin for “something good.” Honest , they are trying to fry their donuts in better oil. They are sensitive to Michelle Obama’s pleas. Dianne

  4. I would rather come face-to-face with the criminals than be behind in line of the indecisive woman. She is far more a threat to society.

  5. Hi Big Al,
    I’ve seen your comments on my sister’s blog and thought I’d see the parallels re food today.
    Nice touch. Even prefer your little ditty at the end (no offense, Peg o skinny one)
    I like your musings. Good luck with the donut thang.

    • Hey Tar-Buns! Thanks for stopping in. Any sister of Pegoleg is a sis..er….uh….is a friend of mine! I always enjoy your sisterly comments on Ramblings.

      Based on our humor, I’ve often wondered if Peg and I were separated at birth. Can that happen when you’re years apart? If so, then maybe you are my sister after all!

  6. This is very, very scary that we both ended today’s blog posts with serenity prayers involving food. You must have been a Fatty McFatty in a past life.

  7. I would think the cops would have some sympathy. Personally I don’t eat donuts, I find most are too sweet for my liking. 😉

    But glad these hardcore criminals are off the street. 🙂

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