It occurred to me the other day, after hearing a fat lady described as a “person of excessive girth”, that there is a complete generation of young people who have grown up in our society only since it became so politically correct. They have never had the benefit of brevity in describing the events that so often occur in our lives. By way of illustration, let’s look at how a bank robbery might have been reported in simpler times:
A robber walked boldly unmasked into a bank yesterday and demanded money from a teller. He handed her a threatening note which said if she didn’t give him the money he would kill her. This criminal then walked out of the bank and disappeared down a sewer manhole. The police after receiving information from a snitch, who turned out to also be the criminal’s sometimes accomplice, soon collared the thief. When confronted about the robbery he gave them an alibi regarding his whereabouts. Upon hearing what was an obvious lie the investigating officer was overheard referring to it as being a “pile of crap”. Presented with irrefutable evidence that he committed the crime, his lawyer pleaded out using the time-tested “abuse excuse” to beat the rap. To which the DA responded, “over my dead body!”
And now, how that same news item is reported today.
A wealth redistribution technician, obviously feeling comfortable in his own skin, walked into a bank today and strongly suggested a pecuniary exchange with one of the tellers. He handed her a prescribed annotation implying that if she wasn’t comfortable with giving him the money, he would have to exercise his option to render her into a state of metabolic dormancy. This person of interest then walked out of the bank and disappeared down a sanitary maintenance portal. The police, acting on information obtained from someone who turned out to be the suspect’s erstwhile business associate, soon apprehended the unsavory person. When confronted about his alleged activity he told them an ontologically challenged story regarding his whereabouts. Upon hearing this explanation, the investigating officer was overheard referring to it as a fecal mass. Presented with eyewitness testimony and surveillance tapes showing him as the likely perpetrator, the rights advocate attorney for the accused promptly offered matters in mitigation and extenuation, such as his deprived childhood and dysfunctional family, in hopes of reducing the severity of the consequences. To which the DA responded, “when my life form achieves environmental balance!”
And so it goes.