Who knew Shakespeare was still alive and well? And more amazingly, who knew he was a fellow blogger on WordPress?
How do I know this? The most recent article by The Daily Post, a blog by WP to help bloggers reach their full potential, talked about how stats can help you find your audience. While giving helpful hints about how to use your stats to adjust your blogging traits to increase readers, they post this site stat as an example:
Are they trying to tell me that someone who wasn’t Shakespeare posted a blog that got nearly 15,000 views in one day? I may have been born at night, but it wasn’t last night! And well over 3 million views overall? That can only be true if you’ve been blogging for 449 years. And no fair using your famous plays and sonnets as blogs just to pump up the old stats. Yes, I’m talking to you, Bill!
OK, let’s just break this down shall we? First of all, using a conservative estimate, Shakespeare, who had 3 children with his wife, Anne Hathaway (who is also still alive and winning Oscars in Hollywood), must have several thousand descendants from those progeny. Allowing for the usual percentage of those who are deadbeat dads and in the witness protection program who don’t want their identities known, that still leaves a plethora of relatives to dutifully read his blog. So maybe his readership is not as widespread as he would like us to believe, eh?
And what about his pathetic comment to view ratio? Considering probably half of those comments are his replies, it’s just a hair over 1%. By comparison , my adjusted comment to view ratio is nearly 12%. So you see, I am far more interesting than the bearded, balding bard! (Author’s Note: this is not the first time I have manipulated figures to bring down someone else to make myself look better, but then you already knew that).
But take heart, all of you others who are also unfairly plagued with meager stats. You will notice his readership declined drastically on Feb 7th and no posts were made afterward. With any luck, he’s moved over to Blogger.com.
As the over-hyped playwright himself might say, “Take heed, ’tis folly abideth in the blogger’s heart, fame’s fleeting and greatness endureth naught, for only by latest post shall his value be known.”
I wasn’t aware that relatives were supposed to dutifully read my blog. My relatives aren’t aware of that either.
Funny Margie! Almost every blogger I talk to says the same thing (including me). “Family members don’t follow my blog.” That may be very well why we blog in the first place now that I think of it. To finally get some attention.
*searches for the unsubscribe button*
Pray thee, touch not the button of unsubscription. For upon thy house shall raineth Al’s evil wrought by years of forced Shakesperean readings and he shall impel a pox upon thy progeny’s smartphones.
Almost, my liege, thou temptest me…
Come ye spirits that tend on mortal thoughts. Unsex me here, and make me bold to scribe those beauteous words which will draw in such noble of mind that they will raiseth my meager numbers and keep them raised.
Darn. I thought you moved over to blogger.com.
I’m taking my stats to the cardio clinic. They seem to be flat lining. Boo Hoo. Hoo. Who is this Shakespeare geezer anyway
Might I recommend a WordPress pacemaker. For only £300 you can have it installed on your computer and it will enter “likes and comments” automatically. Just adjust the setting for how many you want.
As for that rapscallion, Shakespeare, he was just another Aristophanes wannabe whose pedestrian plays somehow went viral. He was later disgraced when it was found out that he was cheating on Anne with some of his “groupies.”
There’s lies, damn lies, and statistics
Well, said. You sound like a perfect candidate to read my favorite book from my college days, “How To Lie With Statistics”, http://www.amazon.com/How-Lie-Statistics-Darrell-Huff/dp/0393310728
Statistics is all about what you want to show people :). Like the shampoo adverts that claim that 17% of 85 people prefer cats….
And a person who only reads and raises stats doesn’t smell as sweet as one who comments. Dianne
You must have one of those new fancy apps that lets you smell the person at the other end. Does it cost much?
You can’t afford it.
Oh oh it said anonymous. See I’m no good at this. It came from me, Cindy
Knew it was you all along! Thanks for the encouragement, you’re right, stats are “nuffin” that’s why I got an “A” in Statistics at the big “O”.
WP just made up those numbers. Don’t you be unnerved or depressed or discouraged Big Al. Stats don’t mean nuffin!
Cindy, oh Cindy, come out, come out wherever you are!
Married to Anne Hathaway–good one, Al! 🙂
And I think these are the stats of the blogger–code name Shakespeare–who bribes the Freshly Pressed Over Lords on a daily basis. That’s how he spends his winnings from the Mega Jackpot Lotto game he won last year. That, and paying people to click and comment on his blog.
Al, it’s not even who you know any more, it’s how much you have… If only good ideas were worth something. Hey, wait a minute! Isn’t that what this platform should be all about! I’m with Peg. I’m quitting!
Whoever it is, he/she needs a good support group. I’m thinking WordPress Junkies Anonymous would be a good start.
Right! I wonder what the 12 steps would look like? Oh…I feel another Al blog post coming along… 😉
You tempt me…oh, how you tempt me…..
That’s what I’m here for, Al!
If that’s an example of a typical blogger’s stats, I quit.
What? To be honest, I actually thought these were your stats.