You’ve begged, you’ve pleaded and you’ve wheedled (fortunately, you cleaned it up afterward). Some of you have even cajoled (quite out of tune, I might add). But I’ve heard your plaintive cries. Here at long last is another installment of “spam replies.”
For the uninitiated, in my quest to reply to everyone, even spammers who didn’t even read the post, I periodically reply to spam comments. The spam comments are reprinted here verbatim, including punctuation (or lack of it). Here is the latest edition:
1. From Jake: “There are some intriguing points in time in this post but I don�t determine I see all of them center to heart. There is certainly some quality but I will need hold viewpoint until My spouse and i look into the idea further. Good article , thanks so we want more! Added to FeedBurner at the same time”
A: Dear Jake: How much time do you think it will take before my points become intriguing? I would really like to know from the bottom center of my heart. If your spouse would like to know more about my qualities, I’m available to talk with her about them after dinner and a movie some time. Then she can really help you decide. As for adding me to FeedBurner, thanks, I really need one more organization to track my every move.
2. From cyfrowa telewizja naziemna: “Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! However, how could we communicate?”
A: Dear CTN: Let me first apologize for the delay in answering. It took me 2 1/2 days to understand and pronounce your name. I am honored you have deposited my blog in your amusement account. Let me say in advance (as you requested) that I agree to be agreeable if you are agreeable to some degree so far. As for communicating, obviously English is out of the question. Do you read smoke signals?
3. From Isaac: “I�m going to bookmark your site and preserve checking for brand spanking new information”
isaac
A: Dear Isaac: I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed in my rather straight-forward blog. However, if you really want brand new information on spanking, I recommend a site called kinky.com. They not only know some brand new ways, but are experts on the old standbys as well.
4. From Evan: “There is noticeably a bundle to know about this. I assume you made certain nice points in features also.”
A: Dear Evan: Your rare expertise as a blog follower is obvious. There is a bundle to know about blogging and someday I might even try to learn some of it. I would, however, be careful about assuming I will make some nice points. That hasn’t been one in over 3 years and I wouldn’t want to see you build your hopes up.
5. From Ryan: “Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.”
ryan
A: Dear Ryan: Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually realizes how brilliant I am. Under separate cover, I am sending you my bank card and pin number. Take what you need and God bless.
6. From Riley: “Congratulations on having one of the most sophisticated blogs Ive arrive across in some time! Its just incredible how very much you can take away from anything simply because of how visually beautiful it is. Youve put with each other a fantastic weblog space �great graphics, videos, layout. This is absolutely a must-see weblog!”
A: Dear Riley: Many thanks for the compliments, but I regret to inform you that Ryan already has my bank card and pin. Perhaps he will forward them when he is done.
7. From Zac: “I�d have to check with you here. Which is not something I usually do! I enjoy reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!”
A: Dear Zac: What a coincidence, because checking with me is not something anyone else usually does either! However, I must confess I was mortified to hear that my blog made you think. If you had read my “Welcome” message, you would have seen that is certainly not my intent. As punishment for this egregious oversight, you will no longer be permitted to comment or think.
The Cvillean 
You lost me about half way through these responses. I can’t even keep up with my own trash, how can I possibly deal with yours? My philosophy is don’t let them rent space in your head. Dianne
Well, Dianne, as I have said in the past, if it weren’t for spammers, I’d have precious little audience at all.
As a man who recently spent a short but bewildering period in your spam folder, or I think I did. ( concussion may still be more present than I think ), I think I know why I felt so disorientated. I agree, spammers have to spam or they would not exist, but why they have to slap a load of words together in a mindless jumble and call it English is hard for me to fathom. I mean, who in their right mind would go back to their sites. I’ve had some odd ‘pingbacks’ and wondered if it might be a screenwriter wanting to swap ideas, but even then my cursor has waited nervously at the edge of the page until I finish reading. I did say, just to grind on forever, that I would not be blogging much, but that does not mean I will cease reading my favourite Blogs. After the length of this reply, you may wish this was not the case.
So you know, your visit to my spam folder was most refreshing considering the types that have been skulking around in there previously. You really classed the place up! Glad to know you will still be around occasionally, even a short comment from you is a treat.
As for communicating, obviously English is out of the question, I love it
I must forward you some of my spam so you can help me reply to it brilliantly 🙂
Re Chardonnay, there was a girl in one of the classes I taught called Chardonnay, spelt exactly that way. Poor child
Hi Barb. Sorry to take so long in replying, we were on a short trip. Please forward any spam you would like…..I would be more than happy to eviscerate them for you.
As for poor Chardonnay, I love that name. I once knew a girl in high school named Champagne (really). As I recall she had quite a sparkling personality.
Holidays allowed 🙂 hope it was fun! We are in the middle of a heat wave here so all activity has ground to a halt…
You do wonder if lots of alcohol was involved in these poor children’s conception!
Dear Al, your wit made me chuckle… 🙂
Thanks. I would also like to thank my mother, my father, my teachers and all the others who made this possible, especially the idiots who send this spam.
Oh, these are good, Al. I got one that says there was much good information, etc…and it was on a Wordless Wednesday post. Clean up after wheedling? Did they teach you that in obedience class?
LOL 🙂
I wish I didn’t have to be so darn quiet in this library because otherwise I’d be LOL at your entire piece here. Your responses to these people are priceless. In fact this could be my fav section of all your blogs. Ok, looking forward to the next group…how nice you have so many faithful (and inspiring) followers.
Thanks, Cindy. It’s hard to believe that these spam comments are actually real. Most people are just trying to get you to go to their site where they try to sell you something.
For your loyalty, I will dedicate my next “spam replies” issue to you!
PS Would you like some Louis Vuitton Shoes (or are they handbags, I forget)? I seem to have quite a lot
I’m a little confused here. Were you meaning to respond to someone else? And what’s with the Sanskrit below? You already have me feeling inferior about my math skills. Is linguistics next?
These are both referring to some of my spam comments, loads of gem seem o be offering me shoes, and the second is cut and pasted, with a few characters deleted just in case it was rude!!
Oh dear, my iPad is feeling the heat!
*loads of them seem to be*
OK, sorry, I’m slow on the uptake. I’m back from vacation, but my mind is still on the way home. But I still wouldn’t be surprised if you know Sanskrit too.
Me too 🙂
This was in response to Cindy saying this was her favourite section of your blogs 🙂
PPPS
ストライプの川やリュック紋章のように流れペアを取得します。 これは驚くべきことではない。 しかし、あなたが購入しようとしてるジョーダンは本物か偽物かどうかを確認する方を知っている
Get it off my chest? Surely Al, you don’t really want me to do a striptease right here in your comment box? I would need soft lights… very soft lights, sweet music and a glass of wine. You can forget the pin number and account details, Ryan & Riley prolly cleared it out already!
Not to worry, I saved just enough for a nice bottle of Chardonnay. What music do you prefer?.