CUR-MUDG-EON n. Definition: 1. “A crusty, irascible, cantankerous old person full of resentment.” 2. “An ill-tempered old man.”
That’s right, I’m converting to a curmudgeon! After years and years of being forgiving to nasty and discourteous people and making excuses for their bad behavior, I’ve finally turned the corner. This year I celebrated my 70th birthday. Unbeknownst to most, that is the age at which one may officially become a curmudgeon. Aging has to have some benefits, doesn’t it?
We are a select group, unencumbered by accepted mores of tolerance and understanding. Our motto, “we calls ’em as we sees ’em”, reverberates in our hearts, our minds and most importantly, in our voices! No more trumped up exculpations such as “boys will be boys” or “they might be having a bad day” or “I’m sure he/she didn’t realize how that hurt my feelings.” No, from now on, if you’re acting like an a-hole, you are an a-hole. Life is too short for me to run interference for your sorry butt.
So beware. If you cut me off in traffic; if you bump into me and don’t say you’re sorry; if you ignore me when I speak to you; if you are unpleasant when you serve me; if you tell me you will do something and you don’t; if you say anything untoward to me or are just generally acting in a contemptible manner to others, you will feel the wrath of my curmudgeonliness.
Forewarned is forearmed.
FEAR THE CURMUDGEON!
(Disclaimer: If anyone should threaten me with bodily harm as a result of my new-found curmudgeonhood, they will immediately be given the benefit of the doubt and I will revert back to your sweet, lovable, understanding old pal, Al)
The Cvillean 
hi al, thanks for reading and following. i look forward to reading more from you and go curmudgeon!
Thanks, beth. It takes a deep thinker to really appreciate the nuances of curmudgeonhood. And considering my last name, it was a natural fit.
Love the hat!!!
Finally, someone with an appreciation for my choice in chapeaux! You rock, Barbara..
We are a hat appreciation family 🙂 Peter is foliclally challenged so needs a hat in most weather. I introduced him to Tilley Hats a few years ago, he is hooked. I think he has 6! (and a Tilley bag too)
I’m a bit low on pteroylmonoglutamic acid myself, in case you didn’t notice. I wear mostly visors in the summer and ball caps in the winter. I’ll have to check into this Tilley Co.
They’re by far the best! They come with lifetime guarantees and user manuals! :). My dad is a convert now too, he has 2 already
I already have a user manual. 1. Put hat on. 2. Take hat off.
P.S. Tks for the website.
Tilley hat manuals are much more in depth! They are 8 pages long 🙂
I should have known a scientist like you would not make this easy.
Hats can be complicated!
http://www.tilley.com/default.aspx
I don’t know how I missed this post! We have a few TV programmes over here you would love, the first is over now but is called One Foot in The Grave…. Well worth looking out for an episode or two if you can find any on you tube…. The second more recent is called Grumpy Old Men, and they even have a book out.
Peter has just found out he is going to be a grandad next March. He would like to be called Gramps, but my girls have christened him Grumps. He has been yelling Gerroff My Land!!! since he was a teenager 🙂
Children however see through him, and just laugh when he pretends to be annoyed and go sit on him… Although mine are still unsure if he would actually eat their toes!!
Do you know if they are having cast tryouts for “Grumpy Old Men?”
Congrats to Peter. If you think he is a pushover for kids now, just wait til he’s a grandpa. He will become a real cupcake!
I think so too 🙂 I will have to buy him a pink fluffy Gramps Jumper
Re; Grumpy Old Men, the queue is miles long!
I’m only 36, but I wanna be a curmudgeon now! Cause I can’t stand the kids with their twerking and their Justin Biebers!
There is a secret way in, Cutter. Just say this affirmation 10 times……”people are douches”…..”people are douches”…….
Welcome!
That shouldn’t be difficult, because people are douches!
Some how, I think “no more Mr nice guy” won’t work for you anymore than it is working for David. Some people just don’t have what it takes to be nasty. Dianne
What a nice thing to say, dammit!
Dear Al, you are so sweet 🙂 x
No! No! Obviously, I am not doing a very good job selling my new persona.
😀
Love the pic! I’m getting to that stage sooner than I thought 🙂
If you’d like, I can take you on as a curmudgeon apprentice.
Hehe 🙂
Great photo of you! Got to watch out for those neighborhood kids, Al.
I’m thinking I might be able to find work as a scarecrow. Are you having any problems in your garden?
That’s my favorite shot of you – the one where you’re yelling at the neighborhood kids to “get off my damn lawn, &^%$#!”
“trumped up exculpations” – very elegant, Professor Al.
You must have known, Peg. Unfortunately, the neighbors kids were the first ones to threaten to beat me up, so I ended up apologizing to them. (with various exculpations)
I’ll believe it when I see it.
You can’t hear it, but I’m harrumphing at you right now!
I’m harrumphing myself at you.
Best picture of you ever! And good for you for refusing to put up with unpleasant people! I usually just go home and stew about it, but it’s good to know that in a few years I will be able to stand up to these people.
Since you are a good friend, but way too young, I’ll see about getting you an honorary membership. George, being the baby of the group, will have to wait another year.
giggles and guffaws
I had a few of these moments this morning.
I wasn’t my best.
I have crap allll over my side of the street, and the hose has a hole in it.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYY is it that I can only see the crummitude AFTER?!?
sigh
I love the word you have coined (crummitude). May I use it the next time I am dressing someone down?
yes, and then maybe I’ll cut me a break and simply do the next right thing that I am able
You’re in good company…I’ve been a curmudgeonette for a few years now. I’m tired of people hugging my rear bumper, swerving, shining their bright blue headlights into my eyes, swerving, running red lights, passing me on the right…and that’s just on the road. All the rest of the twerps are in WalMart. I think yellow labs are much nicer, and I think you’d agree.
Abso-frickin-lutely, Cindy! Thanks for giving me my new credo “More labs, less people!”
As your reward, you may cuss out the next person who cuts in front of you in line and says, “I just have quick question for the clerk.”
Personally, I can’t wait to piss you off and see the new Al….grrrrrr. You go tiger!
You, sweet sis, could never do that. But I expect the Redskins will tonight.
How l agree with you Al..l am now 74 and like you l have come to the conclusion that enough is enough and that life is too short to take the bad manners, bad thoughts and behaviour which the modern generation considers to me the norm. I speak what l feel, I say what I want and if someone don, t like it…….hard luck
Amen to that!
P.S. Your membership form is in the mail.
I understand, yet I see beyond the ‘label’ and Al, my lovely, did you ask Patty before you borrowed her hat?? Xx
Thanks, Jane. Now how in the world did you know I stole that hat from my sweetie?
No idea…must be psychic!! You are a delight Al..x
🙂