About my resolutions , I mean. Back at the end of 2013 I made public my WordPress resolutions for 2014 here. But you don’t have to go there to see them. I’m repeating them here with the results of how well I did with each and every one. Most people make resolutions and hope everyone forgets them….never to be heard from again. Only a brave blogger like myself (translated: idiot) would publish the results of his resolutions a year later. So here goes…..
1. I vow that I will post everyday in 2014, unless that day falls on the same day that I have no idea what to write about.
Kept. This was one of the easiest ones to keep. For your information though, there were 326 days in 2014 that my mind was a complete blank.
2. I vow that my 2014 blogs will appeal to every kind of reader, with the possible exception of those non-sports loving, humorless, non-pet loving people hung up on good grammar and literacy.)
Kept. Turns out that there were only two people in the world that were combined non-sports loving, humorless, non-pet loving, grammar police types. I’ve killed them both, but then they really had no reason to live, did they?
3. I vow that my posts will be politically correct and sensitive to every type of reader, unless you are one of those snotty, stupid, easily offended, activist, goddamn do-gooders.
Broken. Who knew there were so many of these types out there? Far too many to kill, so I just went ahead and offended them.
4. I vow to approve and respond to every comment made on one of my posts, however, in the unlikely event that you have disagreed with me, your blog, e-mail, home and mobile numbers will be forwarded to the National Security Agency with the annotation, “potential terrorist.”
Kept. However, since my comments section showed that everyone disagrees with me, the NSA has had to put on extra staff to investigate all the names I have sent.
5. I vow to hit the like button of every post of every blog I read. I will do this even if I hated it, found it incredibly boring or skipped it altogether. Please accept my apologies in advance if you post that you just found out you only have 3 days to live.
Broken. Right after liking that post from a Mohammed Abdul Mohammed about bombing the White House that resulted in my being detained and questioned by the FBI for several days.
6. I vow that I will treat all of my followers with reverence and respect. That includes the scum-sucking pigs that only follow my blog as a way of attracting my true and loyal readers to their own advertising site.
This was a classic case of unfortunate typos when I first posted this. I meant to say irreverence and disrespect. Therefore, I am marking this one as kept.
7. I vow that I will no longer be obsessive about my blog stats. I will no longer worry about how many visits I get.
Kept. I worked very hard on this one. So if you are one of the ones who made a life choice to be self-centered, uncaring and thoughtless and didn’t visit my blog, please know that it really doesn’t matter to me.
8. I vow to start a “tip of the day” section. Today’s tip: “Don’t forget the “share” buttons and the re-blog button on my blog. Make sure all your friends, family and followers know about me and visit my blog. Please, I beg you.”
Broken. But here’s a tip for today: You can choose not to re-blog my posts if you want, but I suggest you see how I handled resolution number two first.
9. I vow to end my all the cheap shots and bitterness toward the Freshly Pressed people at WordPress. They are just ordinary people like me who are only doing their job. Just because they are totally incompetent morons who are unable to realize the genius that is “thecvillean”, doesn’t mean they are bad. Their fathers were probably felons and their mothers all prostitutes, which is absolutely no fault of their own. Henceforth, I will take the high road and not demean their sorry butts.
Broken. Let’s face it, this one never had a chance.
10. I vow that, as has been my policy in the past, I will always refrain from posting those annoying top ten lists.
Kept. I’m proud to say that I was true to this resolution. Furthermore, I hope you enjoyed my newest category, “The Top Dozen Reasons.….”