Our oldest granddaughter, Katie, is living with us this summer. It’s quite an experience for me living with a vegetarian. Who am I kidding, it’s one big guilt trip!
This youngun’ is one of the healthiest eaters I have ever seen. She leaves Patty in her dust, though she also eats extremely healthy, although not a vegetarian. But for me, the world’s most shameless eater of all foods unholy, it is a daily reminder that the food pyramid is only a distant memory of my squandered youth.
Now I try to sneak around in the kitchen before she awakens to eat my breakfast of choice, cookies. Katie’s will consist of an everything-free bowl of cereal smothered with vitamin-giving strawberries, blueberries and almond milk..
And those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I use to slowly savor during the noon hour? Well, I must hastily devour those before she arrives to make her lunch, usually a quinoa and vegetable casserole made from goosefoot weed found only in the high Andes. At dinner she leads with an array of fruit and then varied vegetables fried in some health anoiting oil from far away lands.
And snacks. What happened to my potato chips and pretzels? All I can find now are rice crackers wrapped in seaweed!
As it turns out, all these health foods come in bulky boxes and resealable packages. Looking for yummy chocolate chip morsels in the cupboard becomes hazardous. I’m begging for a paper cut. Below are just a few.
The refrigerator is another casualty of healthy gurus. Packed to the gills with “must refrigerate” items. Try finding a a pre-prepared bowl of harmless, chocolate pudding amidst shelf upon shelf of oriental dishes and vitamin fruit drinks and seemingly hundreds of different types of lettuce? Shouldn’t comfort food have priority?
OK, maybe I’m being petty, but where’s a guy supposed to store his pizza slices and buttered bread rolls for breakfast the next day?