Who knew pheromones could travel over the internet?
I’ve long been plagued by being irresistible to the opposite sex. It’s a curse I’ve had since birth. But I’ve learned to deal with it. But those pheromones really outdid themselves yesterday.
Here’s the first spam, via my email spam folder:
“Hey gorgeous! (:
I really wanna be friends with u!
I’m Lilliam.
Can’t wait to talk to u!” 😉
Here was my response:
“Dear Lilliam, if that’s your real name, firstly, although I am gorgeous, that was just a lucky guess on your part. Secondly, you should be aware that I’m a happily married man who already has plenty of friends. I appreciate your interest in talking with me although I think the “wink” afterward indicates that the “intercourse” you are interested in is not of the verbal variety. Although I take it as a compliment, due to my high moral standards, I have always successfully resisted the temptation to stray. Did I also mention that my wife is past a silver medalist in target shooting at the Olympics?
On the other hand, if this was the result of some mass spam mailing, of which I am only one of millions contacted, I would ask that you not tell any of my legion of blog readers who believe everything I tell them.”
Your pal, Al
P.S. “I just now noticed the picture that you attached. On second thought, what’s the harm in a little friendly conversation?”
After all, can a girl named Lilliam be all bad?
And this one, from “Find kinds of wedding dress”, which came through my WordPress spam:
“I have read some of the articles on your own website today, and I enjoy your style of blogging. I included it in order to my favorites web log list and you will be checking rear soon. Please take a look at my site also and allow me to know what we think.”
My response:
“Dear Find kinds of wedding dress, thank you for visiting my blog. I’m glad you have it in your favorites but you are wrong about one thing. Although as a red-blooded American male, I have certainly done my share of checking rears, I am trying to cut back, so please don’t make that endeavor any tougher than it is already. I did go to your site but have decided that if the time comes that I ever marry again, “we” think “we” will stay with the traditional tuxedo. However, you might want to contact Dennis Rodman, the gentleman pictured below, who definitely could be a potential client.”
And they just keep coming, folks.
The Cvillean 
And I just delete my spam without even reading it. Look how much I’ve been missing!
I’d be glad to send you some of mine if you’d like to read the ones you deleted.
I went for the LONGEST time without any spam and now all of a sudden I am getting them again. I wonder how they get through! I do love your responses, maybe I should forward some of mine to you. 🙂
Bring “em on, Jodi!
I’d like to know what posts, tags, or categories you are putting out there to attract this kind of attention. You may want to review so you can increase the frequency of those kinds of posts. I know how you like that kind of totally innocent attention while your wife thinks you are working on thoughtful, insightful blog posts to keep you on your game. 🙂
It’s not the posts, tags or categories, Lorna, it’s the pheromones I tell ya. I can’t find the off switch.
P.S. Miss your posts, hope the memoir is going well.
Well, Al, it’s just another burden with which you’ll have to deal. Sigh.
I’m about 2/3 the way through the editing process. It’s a lot slower going than I thought it would be. The manuscript was good, but the rewrites are making it better–I hope!
Great. Good luck!
Obviously, the spam I got for XXCialis was missdirected and I would forward it to you, but I already erased it. Dianne
Not to worry, I’m already on their mailing list.
I’m stifling a loud belly laugh here in the children’s department of the library, but finding that it’s actually good for digesting a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (or will I feel sick later?) I do believe Patty cause you can’t make this stuff up! oops just ended this sentence with a preposition. Your responses are just as hysterical as the spams. Keep me entertained, Big Al.
Shhhh. I would never forgive myself if I was responsible for you losing your library card!
Also, don’t get any jelly on the book pages, they hate that worse than laughing or talking.
Is that the royal “we”?
Well, Peg, since my name, Victor Alfred, translates to “conqueror” and “kingly or wise counsel” I believe that qualifies as a royal “we”, yes.
Just wanted Al’s readers to know that all the spam he uses in his blog is real. I didn’t believe it the first time I read one of his spam blogs and I checked up on him. Oh, and by the way—it was a gold medal! Patty Hood
Sorry honey. What are you doing with that rifle?…. just cleaning it?….don’t you think you’d better point it away from me?…..no, there really is no Lilliam….honest…..
I certainly find you irresistible.
Or did I mean resistible?
I always get those two confused 🙂
Love your spam.
What’s an ir among friends?
😀