Men are named Mars, Women are named Ven-us…….


The best-selling guidebook pictured above is a fascinating foray into how we men and women differ. But in these days of feminism, women in combat, and shattering glass ceilings we sometimes forget that there are still actually differences between men and women. And I’m not talking about the obvious physical difference, i.e. the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day. No, I’m talking about the difference in psyche between the sexes. The abyss that separates the female’s labyrinthine personality from that of the more insensate male of the species has been debated since Plato was a pup. Personally, I’ve read a lot about Plato and I think he would have been a huge “3 Stooges” fan, but that’s a topic for another blog.

A good friend of mine in Colorado (we’ll call him Chuck because….well, that’s his name) came up with an interesting thought. While lying in bed awake one night he was pondering this very question……why are women more complex than men? As Chuck puts it: “It may start because of their first names. Think of the couples you know in our generation. About 80% of the time, the man’s name is one syllable and the woman’s name is two. Β Al and Patty, Chuck and Carol, Les and Ellen (Ed. note: An exception to this would be in the south, where all men take on the name “Bubba”). From the get-go, women are twice as complex as men in a sense. And if a male starts life with a two-syllable name, society finds a way to shorten it to one. Allen gets changed to Al, Lester becomes Les, David is Dave. It might be a conspiracy to make sure that when we think of a male, we think simple; female, think more complicated.”

This statement has much merit. Let’s look at some examples. 1. Rob has a phone. The longest conversation Rob has ever had on a phone is 2 minutes 27 seconds. That was with a close friend he hadn’t seen in 12 years. Roberta also has a phone. Roberta visited a girlfriend for two weeks. When she arrived home, she called that same girlfriend forthwith and talked for three hours. 2. Samantha had a mid-life crisis during menopause. She underwent a series of perplexing emotional and psychological changes. She went to several counselors and cried a lot. Her husband Sam underwent a mid-life crisis too. He bought a Ferrari. 3. Jack and Jacqueline went to the store. Jack parked the car and immediately got out to go into the store. Jacqueline exited 5 minutes later after adjusting her clothes, putting on lipstick, and looking through her purse. That’s right, getting out of a car is much more complicated if your name has more than one syllable.

Well, my job is merely to put this “name” theory out there for consumption, it’s your job to contemplate its veracity.

However, the whole thing might be no more complicated than this:


29 thoughts on “Men are named Mars, Women are named Ven-us…….

  1. I think you may have opened a can of worms Al. But I will call a girlfriend to confer with her before I decide if that is so.

  2. I think you only think women are more confusing because that Y chromosome gives you guys trouble. If you’re having trouble understanding my reasoning, here, I just proved my point. πŸ˜‰

  3. Hub has one syllable and I have two…I think you are onto something.

    On the other hand, he does have a feminine side (he sings like a girl)…oh, wait – his name is THE Hub.

    Thanks for clearing that up.

    V.funny, btw* πŸ˜€

    *Had to abbreviate because I’m tired from all the lipstick wearing.

  4. Intriguing theory, Allen, but I must take exception to your cartoon depiction of women. Such crude generalizations which try to pigeonhole our interests into just a few categories to garner a few laughs, that’s the sort of thing that perpetuates harmful stereotypes and keeps us “down”.
    I’ll have you know that a great many women think about handbags just as much as shoes.

  5. So true, so true. Jeri (to Jack) I’m worried about (son) Xander driving in this snow storm. Jack: Why? Worrying won’t change anything!

    Who left out the worry gene in men and gave women (mother’s) a double dose?

    I think you’re on to something here Pal Al

    • Thanks, Jeri. Chuck and I have been sandlot philosophers since our college days. Fortunately, no one has ever paid any attention to either one of us.

      Hope you are able to head out for golf country after the storm!

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

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