Silicon Valley, where are you when we really need you?

Financially, I could be the next Bill Gates, except that my technical expertise when it comes to computer chips is beyond pathetic. So I’m calling on all the geniuses on the West Coast to help me out. We could partner up and make millions.


Here’s my idea: a microchip for dogs. I know, the implanted chip for finding lost dogs is already invented. I’m talking about something far more sophisticated. I’m talking about a chip that would be integrated into the circuitry of a dog’s brain.

There are two things that a dog cannot do well. Tell human time or deal with abandonment issues. These are also the two things that worry a dog most and are most likely responsible for their shorter life-spans.

Anyone who has ever owned a dog knows that whether you leave the house for an hours-long shopping trip or are just taking out the garbage, the dog stands by the door acting as if they will never see you again. The greeting when you do return is always the same. Sheer, unabashed joy, jumping and barking and whining and licking and snuggling and playful biting. While all this makes one feel like the most special person in the world, it can’t be good for the dog. The energy and anxiety they expend every time they greet you has to take its toll.

Every dog owner has had to face the pitiable look on their dog’s face when they leave the house without them. Dogs don’t know about work, shopping, dinners out, visiting friends, etc. What they know about are walks. Think about it, every time you leave the house with them, you go for a walk.  As far as a dog is concerned, a walk is the only reason anyone would leave their house. Ergo, if you’re leaving, you’re going for a walk. And why wouldn’t you take them? Now your pooch is thinking “he/she is going on a walk without me!” That stress and fear of abandonment can sap the life right out of them. Now you feel like a cad.


“I promise girls, I’m only going to the mailbox!”

Which brings me back to the chip. It would be painlessly inserted in the brain much like the locator chip is now. It would tell a dog: 1. Where you have gone. 2. Exactly what you will be doing. 3. How long before you come home, in dog time, right down to the dog minute. And now for the best part; this chip system would come with an app. With a simple click on your phone it would send an image of you, say, in the drugstore, straight to your dog’s brain, proving that you are not in fact, walking on their favorite trail. Who doesn’t want one more app on their phone?

So let’s go all you geeks out there, let’s get busy on this. Owners will appreciate it, their dogs will live longer and we’ll get rich. Until we get this done, the only ones getting wealthy trying to quell dog anxiety are the makers of rubber kongs and peanut butter!


25 thoughts on “Silicon Valley, where are you when we really need you?

  1. Hi,
    I met you at Susie Lindau’s Meet and Greet. Your blog sounds funny. I also like your header photos. I’m interested in photography and have blogged about it often.
    Maybe you can check out my blog if you need a blogging tip or two. That’s what I write about.
    I brought you the link to my About page, so you can read more about my blog:
    Like Susie, I have regular networking events each month. Nice to meet you.

  2. Oh what a fabulous idea Al! Those lovable but maddeningly obtuse animals really have no idea of the concepts of work, social obligations, etc….do they. A bit narcissistic of them I’d say but we love them anyway. 😉

    This product would be a number one seller I’m sure. Can we maybe add an fitness function to this app so they could be virtually walked as well?

  3. Susie sent me over and I’m glad I came. I live in Silicon Valley but am not involved any more in the world of apps, so I can’t help from that angle. But I do have some ideas along the same lines for cat apps. For example, one that will let them know that opening a can of beans is not the same as opening a can of cat food so they won’t come rushing into the kitchen meowing for a taste.

    • Good point, Audrey. There’s millions to be made in this. Are you sure you don’t have any clout over there? We animal lovers have to keep the pressure on!

      Thanks for the visit.

  4. It would have to inserted painlessly. How about a dog collar that had learnt proper “Dog Speek” and could tell its owner in a most soothing voice, “Mr Al has gone out for two hours but when he returns a walk is guaranteed” or something along those lines 🙂

    • They already know that, Peter. Actually, I think they like it when we “abandon” them because they know we’ll feel so guilty that they get very special treatment upon our return.

  5. Or maybe it should be a chip for my brain to show me that my dog immediately goes to sleep when I leave and thinking, “Thank goodness she’s gone for a few minutes so I can recharge my I-love-you-please-don’t-leave batteries!”

  6. Maybe the app should tell the dog you are going to the vet’s. If dog’s are anything like my cat, the vet’s is the last place they would want to go…

  7. What is it with dogs anyway? David tells them he’s going to the store and they bark less than when he takes the trsh out. Dogs understnd words you know. Our dogs go nuts if another dog walks up the street. How can the hear his paws hit the pavement, I wonder? They know when its time to go to bed, and hound us when they are ready and we are not. Dogs…

  8. I’d worry the app might work too well and dogs would become like cats and not care at all where you’re going and for how long. Keep me posted on your progress…and I hope you become a millionaire.

    • I don’t think we ever have to worry about that happening….dogs hang on our every move. And you understand I’m not really in it for the money, right? Ahem………

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