Today I’m departing from my usual blog format. You know, my uninspired opening statement, then the boring and inane body, followed by the inarticulate closing, which few of you even get to.
Today I’m going to tell you how “self isolating” has affected my conscious state, although judging by the many near empty bottles in my liquor cabinet, unconscious state might be a more apt description.
Back to how my thinking has changed. For example, a few days ago by wife told me that we would be changing sheets and deep cleaning all three bathrooms. Normally, I would shirk from this with my tried and true “the back is pretty sore today” excuse. Not this time, I was actually excited! Did you know you can wipe down a sink with Ajax and a sponge with one hand and at the same time clean the floor with a mop and spray bottle of 409 with the other? I didn’t.
And speaking of pajamas, I had a really productive day Monday. I was out of my pajamas by noon and didn’t put them back on until about 5:30 in the evening. But enough braggadocio…..
Another day I saw from a flavor-of-the-day medical authority on TV that staying home and doing nothing was patriotic and could save lives. I should get a medal of honor. I didn’t read, I didn’t write, I didn’t walk the dogs, I stayed in my pajamas, watched TV and took naps. I could be over-hyping this but I think I’m being considered for a spot in the Vegetable Hall of Fame. Suck on that, succotash!
Also, speaking of dog walking, I’ve noticed their attitude has changed as well. Previous to the quarantine, the cry of “who wants to go for a walk?” would elicit ferocious tail-wagging and barks of sheer joy. Nowadays, the same utterance entails a game of hide and seek. What happened to the unconditional love? So much for “more is better.”
Ten days ago I started a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. I love jigsaw puzzles and do smaller ones online everyday. I’m pretty good at it. Given a deadline I honestly believe I could have knocked this bad boy out in a day and a half. This is day 10 and I might have 500-550 pieces still to go. Since the announcement of quarantine until April 30th, I’ve slowed down even more. I’m dragging out and savoring each and every search for a particular piece. The eventual find is the highlight of my pathetic day.
I’ve adopted a pet spider. One day I saw a spider in the bathroom. It was small (maybe a juvenile) and looked black. To be sure it wasn’t a black widow I got a magnifying glass and checked more closely. It turned out to be a common house spider. The next day it was in the very same spot. Hadn’t moved a fraction of an inch. Now that’s what I call sheltering in place. Normally I would have moved it outside the house, but instead we made friends. Not knowing the sex of the little critter I played it safe and I named it Sue (Thank you, Johnny Cash). This morning it had moved from just below the tub to back behind the toilet. I think it’s afraid I might start taking it for walks too.
YouTube is going to save my sanity. I’ve almost become addicted to it. Thanks to reruns of America’s Got Talent, I can now tell you the name of every single grocery store clerk and waiter/waitress in America that can belt out Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” with great aplomb. Hell, I’ve even taken a liking to the hateful Simon Cowell, which is no small accomplishment. Unfortunately, going down the rabbit hole that is YouTube can fill your hours with thousands of mindless facts that will have no practical application or value once I am loosed back into the real world. Sadly, I will have even less to offer society than before this disaster befell us.
Oh, I almost forgot, I’m also busy planning whether to fashion my hair in a pony tail or have it braided. Never thought I’d be faced with this decision. The good news is I’ve pretty much ruled out dreadlocks.
By the way, it’s become harder than ever to remember what day it is. Thank goodness for my pill case. Every morning when I get up it also tells me what day it is. Talk about multi-tasking.
Well, that’s it folks. I just heard the clothes dryer stop . That means my jammies will feel really warm and cozy!