As some of you know, I am currently taking piano lessons. I’m almost finished with the basic piano book. I’ll soon be ready to move forward to intermediate status.

But before this, I had no idea what music was all about. I just knew I enjoyed hearing it. I had no music lessons of any kind growing up so musical words were not a part of my lexicon. In fact , for these many, many years, my ignorance of musical terms has been legendary. To give you some idea, right up until I started piano lessons, here are some words I might have heard and what, in my naiveté and total ignorance of music, I thought they meant.

Adagio – One of the greatest second baseman to ever play for the Yankees.

Allegro – Played third base for the Yankees, but ran faster than Adagio.

Baroque – What I usually am at the end of the month.

Canon – Something that makes a loud noise when soldiers shoot it off.

Cantata – Being constipated.

Castrato – Ouch! Something I don’t ever want to be.

Chord – One of those hundreds of things behind my computer desk.

Da Capo – Tony Soprano’s boss.

Falsetto – Something teenage girls put in their bras.

Forte – A big stone building where the soldiers who shoot the canons live.

Movement – Something I hope to have every day, instead of cantata.

Pitch – What the pitcher does before the ball is hit to Adagio or Allegro.

Refrain – Being told you can’t do something you want to do.

Reprise – Surprising someone again.

Soprano – A member of a family that lives in New Jersey. Originally from Italy.

Staccato – A cousin of the Sopranos who lives in New York City.

Tenor – Something you get if you work a long time at a place.

Timbre – A very plentiful and renewable resource.

Treble – Something I am often in with my wife.

Trill – The feeling a pitcher gets when he makes a good trow.

Tutti – The first of two flavors in Tutti-Frutti.

Vibrato – A curious device often purchased by women.

Well, as you can see, I was pretty much off base (or is that off bass?) on these. But now I am well versed in their musical definitions and I am, of course, the wiser for it. I need to finish this blog so I can go practice. I’m working on “O Sole Mio!” now.  Just in case I ever run into one of the Sopranos.