You won’t believe this! I just got an email from a lady in Malaysia who wants to give me 40 million dollars! Unbelievable! Sorry for all the exclamation points but this is exciting!
This lady, let’s call her Helen (because that’s her name), is the widow of former shipping tycoon, William Crawford, who died in 2009. I goggled him but couldn’t find him. I’m sure that’s because as a philanthropist he wanted to remain anonymous. They have both been altruistic all their lives and now she wants me to help. And she picked me out of everyone else on earth! (There’s that exclamation point again, sorry – I’m working on that). I guess she knows that I’m a really, really good guy. Did one of you tell her that?
Poor Helen has now found out she is dying from Leukemia and has only days to live. She desperately needs my help. Unfortunately, (and this is really sad) they were unable to have children in their 25 years of marriage. Further, she is afraid of the greedy vultures that are her late husband’s relatives. Damn those greedy relatives, I hate people like that, don’t you? According to Helen, they are bourgeois people who would squander the money with ill-conceived ventures. Of course they would. That’s what the bourgeois do. She wants to donate the funds to me so that I can set up a Crawford’s Orphanage and Children’s Homes Trust Fund with the $40 million. I can do that. How can you say no to someone named Helen?
Anyway, between us, although I will definitely set up the trust after she is gone, I think $40 million is a bit too much to give to orphans. After all, they don’t even know how to spend money do they? Don’t they really need parents instead? What am I missing here? I’ll decide later how much to give them but there won’t be that much left after taking out the Trustee’s commission.
All I need to do to get this in motion is to contact her lawyer, Barrister Paul Wesley. After I send him my SSN and my bank and investment account numbers (strictly for him to see if I have managed money well) they will forward the funds to me. I mean, if you can’t trust someone called Barrister Paul Wesley, who can you trust?
Got to run now, there’s an email coming in from some prince in Nigeria who also needs me to help him with his money. He must have spoken to Helen. This is awesome!
The Cvillean 
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I have become quite popular in Nigeria. I think it may be something to do with my haircut
Or maybe it’s just that charming manner, eh? Anyway, say hi to the Prince for me.
I’ve had a few of those especially when I was using Livemocca Language site….I just could not get interested enough to bother sending bank details…also talking about posts that get read over and over again…I did one called Moscow …a Beautiful city…it was only a couple of pics but it has been ‘top of the pops’ for months on end
What’s the link for that Moscow blog?
did u ever get the money????
Naaah…
Gee, Al, I never get offers like this. I only get people wanting me to buy drugs to enhance all sorts of things about my life–even “things” I don’t have. Maybe when I’m a lot older, these nice people will want to promise me lots of money if I give them my life savings. But the joke will be on them. I seem to be spending all of my savings… 😐
The only thing I know about life savings is that’s what fireman do, which is good, because you have to have a life before you can enhance it.
Its a scam.
D’ya think?
Why doesn’t she leave the money to the fricking orphanage then??? … they could do with some help, altho it sounds like she needs some help too… all loony tunes if they think we believe people are just giving money away… especially today!!!!
I know you can’t be as heartless as you sound. Are you really going to leave Helen in the lurch? Just send Paul…oh…let’s say….$50,000 and see how well he handles it. Or better yet, send it to me and I’ll see that he gets it.
Well, it appears poor Helen is still looking for someone to start up that Chairty. I just received her e-mail. I will have to decline her offer as I have already started up a charity of my own it’s called WORK! Hello Helen, get a job!
Yes, it’s amazing how work is the charity that keeps on giving, eh?
I got this email too. So there’s 2 of us now on earth, to share the money, oh well – I guess I can settle for 20 mln bucks. I hope Helen is not discouraged though when Paul logs on to my bank accounts. All empty. That might put me in some bad light and lead them to conclusion I can’t handle their money well, since I even can’t do it properly with my own.
Best
Sorry, pegoleg has a claim too. (see below). I guess were down to 13 and 1/3 million each. That Nigerian Prince better come through big time!
Hey i have this email too. dont forget my share.
No problem. Your share will be anonymous too.
I also just got this email this afternoon. What shall we do with such a nice lady named Helen with an attorney named ‘Barrister Paul Wesley’ ? Perhaps we should send her ten dollars !
so did we
I have never gotten one either. Too funny. (Why can’t Barrister What’s-his-name set up the fund himself with Helen’s Power of Attorney? Isn’t that what legal folks do?)
The saddest thing is that many confused seniors fall for scams.
Wait a minute, are Helen and Prince Tsugombe two-timing me? I thought I was their chief financial advisor!
Don’t worry. Even if that’s true, it’s still 20 million apiece.
Big Al!!!!!! Step away from your computer and put down your checkbook!!!!!! It’s a scam!!!!! It’s also a very funny blog. Seriously, you got that e mail IRL?
I get at least one every day in my spam folder. Don’t you? Are you not trustworthy?
No, I’ve never gotten one. I guess I’m not trustworthy.
I got on as well, i read it and wad like ‘oh how sad, i wonder if i should contact this lawyer’. A couple months have passed since i got the email from Helen and i read it again and couldnt help but to shake my head. its so sad really.
It’s been over a year and a half. Wonder why I haven’t got my money yet?