The emasculation of the American male is now complete. According to the renowned Cleveland Clinic, there is a large uptick in the number of vasectomies performed during March Madness.
For those uninformed few, March Madness is that time of the year when college basketball has its tournament. The working world comes to a virtual standstill while workers fill out their “brackets” for who will win what games in what round. Even the President has a TV special as he makes his picks for the tournament. Pools are formed while the company’s bottom line is sacrificed for the sake of office bragging rights. With 68 teams in the tournament, many of these games have to be played during weekday working hours. For two weeks of the year, the nation’s GNP nosedives while millions hunker in their cubicles following the scores on the internet. But that’s changing.
Men, yearning for the comfort of their own recliner and a 2 for 1 pizza deal, are now using sick days to remain at home to watch these gladiators of the hardwood. But it’s not just their employers they are avoiding. They have found away to get around the real boss too. By scheduling a vasectomy at tournament time, they have earned the right to be pampered and unencumbered by menial house chores and those pesky “honey-do” lists that festoon the refrigerator door. As they recover from their ordeal under the urologist’s scalpel, they lie comfortably in their chair, ice pack in hand (and other places), attending to the important things in life, like who will make it to the final four. Ignoring their own grievous wounds and personal pain, they show more concern for the plight of others. Wives, relieved to no longer have the lead role in contraception, gladly allow their brave men the well-earned recuperation time in front of the TV. Talk about a win-win deal!
If you ladies are wondering just how involved or painful the procedure is, I can speak from experience that it is really quite easy and we need only a few days of tender loving care to be back to full strength. I should know. I just had my 31st vasectomy this week. Go Tarheels!
“Great shot! Pass the ice pack will ya, Joe?”
The Cvillean 
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Who knew they could actually be that clever? LOL
Hi Jodi. I just happened upon this comment from two months ago. It’s old news but I always promise I will respond to every comment. Don’t know how I missed this.
Thanks for commenting and admitting how brilliant we menfolk are. You were serious weren’t you?
There’s no end to the usefulness of the male appendage, is there?
It’s pretty versatile that’s for sure.
How low you men will stoop for the sake of basketball! Of course, As UConn alums, we understand perfectly. And though our men bit the dirt in the first round this year, we still have our women to look forward to. Go Huskies!
Finally, an understanding voice! To show my appreciation I will root for the Lady Huskies. Of course, I’m usually the kiss of death for any team.
You need a new surgeon, Big Al. He sounds like a quack.
Maybe, but he gives a cut rate for return customers.
Groan………
Wait just a moment while I wipe the tears from my eyes. Okay. Now I’m composed enough to respond. Poor, poor babies. Snip. Snip. And it’s all over but the fun times.
Shall I describe the plethora of surgical and non-surgical procedures I endured in my reproductive area for the “gipper?” No. I think I’ll wait until March Madness is over so all of your brain cells can comprehend the agony women suffer in the name of reproductive health. But, then there will be golf, then baseball, then football… I guess I’ll just forget about it.
Maybe you come back in your next life as a woman. 😉
Yes, thank goodness the Masters golf tournament starts right after March Madness so I don’t have bad withdrawal. And you are right, baseball starts then too. Then football again….my gosh you’ve got this down pretty well.
And I’ve already decided that in my next life I’m coming back as a 7’2″ center for the Boston Celtics.
David is a UNC gradate. If those are the tarheels, you are on the same side. Dianne
My daughter also went to UNC and yes, those are the Tarheels.
David’s daughter Julie went there too. Good School.
Jeez, the things a man will stoop to just to get some uninterrupted time in front of the telly.
Go Spartans!
Well, actually, there won’t be a lot of stooping for a while.