It’s December folks and you know what that means. Big Al does his yearly prognostication on what the big news headlines will be for the coming year. Please don’t contact me directly if you have any comments, as my trance state usually lasts well into the New Year.
And now…..ohm…..ohm….
January: The NFL Super Bowl is cancelled when most of the players on both teams are arrested for parole violations.
February: Donald Trump easily wins the New Hampshire primary by promising to build a wall on the Canadian border.
March: President Obama, in his last year in office, finally reveals that his strategy for stopping the Syrian conflict is to move every single Syrian to America.
April: Tiger Woods continues his free fall from his former unbeatable status in golf as he loses a charity match to 86 year-old Arnold Palmer by 17 strokes.
May: In a shocking development, Donald Trump announces he is stepping down as a candidate after he learns he would be legally prohibited from building a new 110-story White House.
June: President Obama ramps up his efforts for normalization of relations with Cuba by sending cigar aficionado and former President Bill Clinton to Havana to arrange their import.
July: In a patriotic July 4th appearance, Hillary Clinton announces daughter Chelsea will be her running mate. Later in the speech she criticizes Republican candidate Jeb Bush for his pathetic attempt to perpetuate the Bush “dynasty.”
August: In a moment reminiscent of the French Revolution, Al Gore announces that President Obama has agreed that all man-made climate change deniers will be publicly executed by guillotine.
September: Citing irreconcilable differences, Caitlin Jenner files for divorce from Bruce Jenner.
October: The final debate between the Presidential candidates ends abruptly as the moderator suffers a seizure from Hillary Clinton’s glare after asking her a question about Monica Lewinsky.
November: The national election on November 8th has a record low turnout. When asked by pollsters why they didn’t vote, the majority answer “No tienen una versión en Español de la boleta!”
December: President Obama calls the “War on Christmas” accusations ridiculous, saying the recent drone strike on the Nativity scene in Rockefeller Plaza was just a case of unfortunate “friendly fire.”
The Cvillean 
Your cynicism is hilarious, as always, Al x
Being a cynic is a dirty job. But if not me, then who?
Your very best in a while. However, don’t think for a minute that a 110-story White House isn’t in the cards. Terry McCauliffe is trying to alter the VA governor’s mansion with a ramp up those eighteenth century front stairs. What a jerk.
Can’t believe that Clinton sycophant got elected in the first place. So glad our state is a one term state.
He got elected because the Republicans ran Cuchinelli and many women detest him. I didn’t even vote, David went for C. M only became governor to get Clinton to select him as her inning mate. He doesn’t give a fig for VA.
Geez. What a shock. Thinking only of ones self is so not like the Clintons. Ha.
Yes, and pigs fly!
This is awesome and true I fear on many points! Except I think Trump would try for a 200 story white House….
One thing for sure, they could retire Air Force One because Trump’s plane is already a lot cooler.
Well good point!
Ha! Not gonna happen. I’m sure they’ll be a Spanish version of the ballet available.
You’re doubting the great swami, Al? I predict that a pox shall be visited upon your house and its name shall be carolers!
You wouldn’t be taking business from my favorite future formulator, would you, Al? Madam Whirlunda tells me to expect a long journey to the land of “eh?” and hockey. She tells me to bring my passport (or as she says, “pass-a-port-a”) and wooly unmentionables because it’s cold up there–cold, but safe (for now) from the Trumpster. As long as they have the Internet, I’m good!
Don’t worry, I’ll climb over the wall to come see you!
Oh good! Just remember to bring your rock climbing gear. If The Donald has anything to with The Wall, it will be Tall!
Maybe I should hibernate until 2017.
Take me with you! Take me with you!
What about the rest of the world…. maybe that will be part two?
I predict that if Big Al crosses the pond to Europe in 2016, we would kidnap him, steal his passport and take him to Tír na nÓg
I looked for direct flights from here to Tír na nÓg, but couldn’t find any. Guess we’ll have to do it your way.
Excellent, Al! Love your new blog look too! Your Jenner prophesy is the absolute best of the bunch!
Thanks. Hey, anything can happen in California, right?
That Trump – he’s always doin’ something wacky!
Yeah, he’s always been good at “cornering the market”, why not wackiness too?
I bet you are pretty close on a few of these. Ha!
Yes, especially the one about climate deniers.
Some of this may turn out to be truer than we think. I’m sure the Trumpster would love to replace the White House with something a little harder to miss !
Turning it into a casino would make sense since his presidency would be a real gamble.