Christmas is over. Now the biggest news item for 2017 is America’s, nay, the world’s anxiety over what will happen after President-elect Trump is inaugurated. Put your fears and apprehensions at rest. Big Al is here to prognosticate and relieve you of your worries. Following is what you can expect after January 20th:
1. The Nobel Peace Prize Committee will continue its new tradition of casually awarding incoming Presidents a Nobel Peace Prize. President Trump will be awarded his medal in the field of “Really, Really Fooling a Lot of People.”
2. Noting that many Americans are saying he is not a “legitimate President”, President Trump will respond by pointing out that most of the people saying this are not legitimate citizens either!
3. President Trump will surprise everyone by appointing Madonna as America’s Ambassador to the Vatican. He remarks that since the Vatican already holds many Madonnas in high regard, they certainly won’t mind another “piece of work.”
4. In his first State of the Union address, President Trump will announce he wholeheartedly supports California’s movement to leave the Union because he was elected. To this end, he will direct the Army Corp of Engineers to dynamite several critical sections of the San Andreas fault.
5. President Trump will announce that he will donate money from his own pocket to build a new UN headquarters in Tel Aviv to move them out of New York. However, the cost to make the building rocket-proof will fall to the member countries.
6. President Trump will herald the fact that he has received an honorary degree from the Electoral College and will speak at its graduation ceremony next May.
7. President Trump will appoint Judge Judy to the current Supreme Court vacancy. After being officially seated, Justice Judy will immediate admonish her fellow Justices for speaking before she is finished talking.
8. By way of offering an olive branch to his heated rival, Hillary Clinton, President Trump will generously gift her with a copy of the latest edition of “Internet Servers for Dummies.”
9. President Trump will shock everyone, including his family, by announcing he is trans-gendering and will become America’s first woman President, stating she is henceforth to be addressed as “Madame President.”
10. As her first Executive Order, President Trump will declare it will now be a Federal crime to post top ten lists on WordPress.