Many of you reading this are aware the existence of probiotics and maybe even take them as supplements regularly. For those not aware, these are the “good guys” bacteria that take up residence in our digestive system.

Apparently, we all have good and bad bacteria living inside us each and every moment of the day. For those health nuts among us who believe their body is a temple and as pure and chaste as the driven snow, guess what? Your innards are merely a battleground where the good and bad bacteria are constantly duking it out to decide who gets control. In short, it’s a matter of whether you have a beneficial BM or its dreaded cousin….diarrhea!

Also figuring into this daily combat is the ingestion of probiotics which can aid the good guys. They can be found in natural foods such as yogurt and other fermented foods or even in pills manufactured by pharmaceutical companies. If you ever get the chance to study bacteria under a microscope you can immediately distinguish the probiotics, they’re the ones wearing the white hats.

But here’s the real news. Science has revealed that recent studies indicate that the good guys can be gleaned from an unusual but very ,very, very renewable source. Baby poop.

Think about it. Some poor researchers must have spent days, nay, weeks or months, examining soiled baby diapers to arrive at the exact chemical breakdown of this ample substance. But they determined that a certain microbe contained therein could produce a probiotic that could be extracted, prepared and marketed to sick tummies the world over. I know what you’re probably thinking to yourself. “I’ve changed hundreds of diapers in my time, why didn’t I think of that?” Here spread before you was a discovery sure to bring you great wealth and all you could think of was getting it out of your eye and nose radius quickly. What short-sightedness!

Well, far be it from me to stand in the way science. However, always one to be cautious and keep my readers informed, I put forth these caveats. Before going headlong into it and buying extra diaper pails to corner the baby feces market sure to spring up, consider these downsides:

a. Worsening population explosion. It’s already known the majority of the world’s problems, i.e. hunger, climate change, immigration etc. are due largely to overpopulation. With literally billions to be made providing baby poop to “Big Pharmaceutical” we will most certainly go back to the days of large families of 10, 12 or more kids.

b. A Black Market (or should I say brown market) arising for infant excretory product. Home break-ins would skyrocket, but with nothing stolen except aforementioned diaper pails.

c. Rising crime rate. Kidnappings would surely go through the roof. But kids would suddenly show back up at their home years later, after finally having toilet-trained themselves.

d. Potty training would be put off as long as possible. Children would be going to therapy in droves as parents attempt to keep them in diapers into their teens.

e. Bribery would become rampant as the U.S. Patent Office becomes flooded by wannabe inventors trying to develop the first leak-proof, disease-free, “mail-in” used diaper.

The list goes on.

So let’s get right to the bottom of it. Before you sally forth into this dubious venture; just ask yourself, “is this idea a good one or a crappy one?”

“Does widdle Jimmy have some messy microbes for dadums?”