Unless you’re planning to raise a field of sunflowers instead of grass, you don’t fill your bird feeder when there are 30 mph wind gusts.

The chance you will develop a severe toothache is directly proportional to the time your plane lands on the first day of your vacation.

When you forget to put the cup under the dispenser, coffee, like water, will seek its own level, usually behind the refrigerator .

If you don’t roll up the toothpaste tube as you use it the world will not come to an end, but your marriage might.

Contrary to what Isaac Newton said, what goes up does not necessarily come down. For instance, body weight.

Good writing form is not necessary to get published these days. For instance, my blog.

Cursed is the man who knows naught of a woman’s favor, for neither shall he know of his many faults.

Anyone who says medieval torture is a thing of the past has never had to file taxes.

A man on a highwire has less chance of falling than a 73-year old man on a step stool in his kitchen.

It takes quite a bit of careful study and experience before being able to consistently choose the grocery checkout line that will move the slowest.

You can’t disguise the contemptible top ten list just because you didn’t number it.