If Meteorologists Could be Truthful…..

I generally get in my daily walk in the morning hours. Naturally, I first check the weather in preparation. It helps determine what to wear, the best time to walk etc. In short, Accuweather and I are partners in helping me work in my exercise around the elements.

Sometimes, weather forecasters hedge their bets with vague phrases like “chance of” or “possibility of” to give themselves a little wiggle room. Who can blame them since they are subject to so much criticism if they are not right on the mark. But every once in a great while someone comes along who doesn’t deal in the undefined. You know, the “calls ’em as they sees ’em” type. Like “It’s gonna be dull and dreary out, folks.”

Here was today’s forecast when I checked it early this morning. Realizing this honesty was as rare as a total solar eclipse, I took a screenshot:

Here’s that same forecast just a short time later when I checked again:

My guess is whoever posted the first one might now be missing a part of their derrière. It got me to thinking though, if you were a weather forecaster, wouldn’t it be refreshing if you could be honest and forthright? Just image some of the future forecasts….

Drizzly and chilly all day, with a good chance some of you will get seriously depressed over it and want counseling. Here’s some…. life’s a bitch, OK?

Abundant sunshine and extremely hot, high possibility of life-threatening dehydration for you low IQs who can’t figure out you should be drinking more water.

Far less humidity today with clear skies and very pleasant temperatures in the pm. There. Happy? Maybe now you’ll quit your damn grousing.

Local flooding predicted, absolutely do not drive through any flowing water! Wait a minute, a few of you morons are going to do it anyway aren’t you?

Strong lightning and thunderstorms this pm. Sorry, but you’re the one who scheduled the outdoor wedding in the shank of the summer heat. What the hell were you thinking?

Snow this morning with rapid icing conditions on highways, but so what, many of you will still drive like the roads are dry. Rest in peace, a-holes.

What do you think, readers, is it possible I have a new career in meteorology?