Source: WordPress Daily Prompt: Write about something that happened over the weekend as though it’s the top story in your local paper.

This article appeared in the Virginia Pilot newspaper of Hampton Roads today:

In a startling development this weekend, it was learned that Big Al of WordPress blogging fame, managed to install 4 new ceiling fans in his home. This herculean effort included not just the installation, a noteworthy feat in its own right, but unpacking the fans from their shipping containers, unwrapping all the individual parts and matching them to the parts inventory sheet, and of course, reading and interpreting the directions for actual assembly of those parts.

We’re checking with Guinness Book of World Records to see if this qualifies for inclusion, but possibly the most remarkable part of the whole endeavor is the fact that the old fans had to be disassembled and removed as well!

An impromptu interview with this reporter was granted by Big Al. As he stood hunched over, knuckles bleeding and adorned by white ceiling dust in his hair, he related the harrowing details of the past weekend.

“Well, my wife was totally against this as I’m usually a danger to myself and others when attempting home projects. But the cost for a contractor to do this was so prohibitive that I just couldn’t justify having it done correctly. I almost gave up right at the start when the directions included in the package were practically indecipherable. Fortunately, I was able to proceed after I realized I was reading the Spanish section.

Probably the most dangerous part was the removal of the old fans. Working around a whirling fan is not for the faint of heart. Even on the slower speed, each blade comes back around at a rapid pace. In a sudden flash of brilliance, I overcame this difficulty by shutting off the wall switch. As I continued and the parts to the old fans came crashing down around me, I thought to myself “this must be what it’s like when an old satellite loses earth orbit and re-enters the atmosphere.”

The mounting of new fans 2 through 4 went quite smoothly as I was able to learn from the 11-hour ordeal with the first fan. After rectifying my many mistakes and remounting the first fan 4 times, the rest was a breeze (no pun intended… OK, yes it was). Probably the hardest part of the enterprise was not being able to take my customary 2-hour nap each afternoon.” 

As Big Al appeared to be nodding off, I was able to ask him one further question, whether he would attempt any more record-breaking home projects in the near future, to which he replied: “probably not, when it comes to do-it-yourself projects, I’m really not a big fan.”