OMG! I’m an OWG!

Yes, it’s finally happened. The thing I have dreaded for lo these many years. In spite of everything I did to prevent it; workouts, 25 years of running, then 20 years of power walking, mental exercises every day, eating well; I have still become the quintessential “Old White Guy.”

You may be wondering, what exactly is an “old white guy”? Well, it’s far more involved than just sheer chronology….. I’m sure you will recognize this guy….let me tell you a bit about him….

He’s the guy who, far from actively contributing to the country’s GNP any longer, now puts a drain on it…..yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy whose two favorite sites on the internet are Medicare.gov and AARP.com…..yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy that drives another ten miles with his turn signal on after he changes lanes…..yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy that spends an hour every Sunday morning filling up his weekly pill dispenser….yeah, that guy.

He’s the guy who can’t quite remember if that little white pill goes in the morning or afternoon section….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who hides something so he and he alone will know where it is…..and then forgets where he hid it….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who never quite finishes another chapter of his book before falling asleep in the recliner….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who goes to dinner at 4:00 pm to avoid the traffic and the dinner crowd, but instead runs into the 4:00 o’clock traffic and dinner crowd….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who starts happy hour at 3:00 pm because…. you guessed it…. dinner is at 4:00 pm….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who looks at the clock at 8:30 pm and says “good, only a half hour ’til bedtime”, but has already had his PJ’s on for an hour and a half…..yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who gets up several times in the night for a “pit stop”…. and aggravates the dog because she has to move over on the bed….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who, with no job to go to, still gets up at 5:15 in the morning and makes coffee, retrieves the paper, lets the dog out, all with his eyes closed….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy whose biggest stress of the day is driving back from the store because he forgot the grocery list….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who volunteers at several organizations and get praise and adulation from those folks, who claim “they couldn’t do without him”….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy who gets to text and email his granddaughters at all times of day…every day…. and get sweet pictures and notes in return….yeah, “that guy.”

He’s the guy that gets to take trips with, take classes with and spend quality time every day with his devoted wife…..yeah, “that guy.”

Hey wait, you know what, never mind.