Park and shop…..2012 version.

I no longer have to worry about my daily workout on the days I go to the supermarket. Thanks to specially designated parking spaces, the walk from and back to where I eventually have to park the car provides all the cardiovascular exercise I need. I only wish they would set up medical aid stations at various intervals like they do for marathons.

Am I the only one who has noticed how the available spaces left for we “normal” folks have dwindled to a precious few? Or how the disabled designated spaces have multiplied from the original few to dozens? Before you call me an insensitive lout (I may be one, but that doesn’t mean you have to call me one), I am all in favor of spaces for the truly disabled. But I don’t think you should get special parking because you decided it was alright to weigh more than the car you’re driving. Or because you have a “trick” knee and happen to play golf with your doctor. If you’re displaying a disabled placard, at least have the decency to “hobble” to the entrance so I will feel better.

But I could live with it if only the truly disabled got special privilege. But now there are reserved spaces for pregnant women (who nowadays, for all we know, just finished a 10k race that morning), parents with small children (when did grocery shopping become equivalent to flying across the country?), senior citizens (like me, they should just be thankful they’re still here) and employees of the month (don’t you think they would rather get a decent hourly raise?). But why stop there? As long as we’re singling out these poor folks with challenging life situations, let’s be a little more compassionate and inclusive. Here’s a few suggestions for a few more special parking places. I’ve even designed the signs.

1. People texting; because they are too busy to watch for cars.

2. Singles who have unprotected sex; because they are obviously mentally disabled.

3. Parents with teenagers; because they get no respect at home.

4. Parents whose last kid just went to college; because they’re going to buy expensive champagne.

5. People who got chewed out by their boss today; because they now have low self-esteem.

6.The disgruntled employee of the month; because after all, fair is fair.

7. Anyone who is in a minority; because the majority has had it too good for too long, dammit.

I’m sure I have missed some needy groups that have as much right to special parking as anyone. If you happen to think of one, let me know. Oh wait, I just thought of one, how about “first come, first served?”