It’s that time of year when websites and bloggers all around the world make their predictions for the coming year. Not to be out done, following are my predictions for 2011. Let’s hope I’m wrong:
An earthquake will destroy much of Beverly Hills, CA. Democrats will immediately blame George Bush. Later, Kanye West will crash a televised “Beverly Hills Relief” charity show and say that Bush doesn’t care about white America.
Global warming, or rather, climate change advocates will present definitive proof that humans caused the extinction of Al Gore.
As a result of a decapitation by an illegal hit during a recent game, the NFL will change its contact rules and become the NFFL or National Flag Football League. Investors in businesses making Velcro will become overnight millionaires prompting President Obama to label them part of the “filthy rich” and subject to the recently passed 350% tax bracket.
Sarah Palin will star in a reality show called “Lefty Survivors” in which she will attempt to track down and shoot Bill Maher, Jonathan Stewart, Michael Moore, David Letterman and Sean Penn. PETA will be up in arms claiming that she is not hunting them for food, clothing or shelter but rather for political gain.
President Obama will take a crash course in Spanish as all the southwestern states will secede and form the UCA or United Cartel of America. His first Spanish speaking speech when he visits the newly formed country will be titled “Gringos – our common enemy.”
In baseball, all Hall of Fame records after 1997 will have an asterisk designation after them due to the recent discovery that after that time, the baseballs themselves were injected with steroids.
Congress will pass a law called “what you see is what you get” which will allow gays in the military to design their own uniforms.
A retired combat veteran will be threatened with arrest after flying the American flag in his yard. Oh wait, that already happened. Never mind.
All commercial airline passengers will be required to carry a two-sided nude ID picture of themselves in order to speed up the boarding process.
This blog will be classified as anti-American and terroristic and will be shut down. Big Al and Wikileaks founder Julian Assange will be named “Co-persons of the Year” by Time magazine.