Anyone who doesn’t live under a rock knows that Presidential candidate Donald Trump has declared all-out war on political correctness. Nowhere is this more evident than the brouhaha over immigration. No matter where you stand on him or this issue, here are some facts. Congress long ago passed laws regarding people desiring to enter and live in this country. Therefore there is a legal way to do it. It has been that way for decades and decades. Does anyone remember Ellis Island? Anyway, there is a visa system and a route whereby people can attain full-fledged citizenship. In fact, there are several very moving ceremonies conducted around the country every July 4th to welcome these hard-working souls into our fold. There is also a separate government department to oversee this called the Immigration and Naturalization Service.
It stand to reason then that those who come into the country without adhering to these rules and policies are doing so “illegally.” But in the past several years, much has been said about revising these laws and along with that, revising the language surrounding this whole mess. Instead of calling these interlopers, “illegal aliens” we should be referring to them as “undocumented migrants”, or “undocumented workers”, or “undocumented guests”, etc.
That being the case and in the interest of furthering this euphemistic approach to this problem, we need to take this a step further so that no undocumented person, no matter what his moral code, has to bear the stain of a more offensive term. For that reason, and since there is obviously some criminal element among them, as there is with every segment of society, we should also be working on more tolerant language for the more unsavory of the group. Fear not, for I have taken it upon myself to do this. Here are my suggestions:
If an undocumented migrant is also a: then he/she should be referred to as an:
car thief undocumented used car dealer
burglar undocumented home inspector
robber undocumented wealth transfer adviser
wife beater undocumented family counselor
personal identity thief undocumented makeover artist
kidnapper undocumented baby sitter
drug dealer undocumented pharmacist
rapist undocumented sex therapist
murderer undocumented doctor of euthanasia
There, I believe that solves the problem of how to “label” our guests until the President and Congress can do more in-depth study and research on how best to resolve this crisis. No guest in our country should be offended or ever have to hear such over-the-top rhetoric as “illegal alien” again.
I live to serve.