Anyone who doesn’t live under a rock knows that Presidential candidate Donald Trump has declared all-out war on political correctness. Nowhere is this more evident than the brouhaha over immigration. No matter where you stand on him or this issue, here are some facts. Congress long ago passed laws regarding people desiring to enter and live in this country. Therefore there is a legal way to do it. It has been that way for decades and decades. Does anyone remember Ellis Island? Anyway, there is a visa system and a route whereby people can attain full-fledged citizenship. In fact, there are several very moving ceremonies conducted around the country every July 4th to welcome these hard-working souls into our fold. There is also a separate government department to oversee this called the Immigration and Naturalization Service.
It stand to reason then that those who come into the country without adhering to these rules and policies are doing so “illegally.” But in the past several years, much has been said about revising these laws and along with that, revising the language surrounding this whole mess. Instead of calling these interlopers, “illegal aliens” we should be referring to them as “undocumented migrants”, or “undocumented workers”, or “undocumented guests”, etc.
That being the case and in the interest of furthering this euphemistic approach to this problem, we need to take this a step further so that no undocumented person, no matter what his moral code, has to bear the stain of a more offensive term. For that reason, and since there is obviously some criminal element among them, as there is with every segment of society, we should also be working on more tolerant language for the more unsavory of the group. Fear not, for I have taken it upon myself to do this. Here are my suggestions:
If an undocumented migrant is also a: then he/she should be referred to as an:
car thief undocumented used car dealer
burglar undocumented home inspector
robber undocumented wealth transfer adviser
wife beater undocumented family counselor
personal identity thief undocumented makeover artist
kidnapper undocumented baby sitter
drug dealer undocumented pharmacist
rapist undocumented sex therapist
murderer undocumented doctor of euthanasia
There, I believe that solves the problem of how to “label” our guests until the President and Congress can do more in-depth study and research on how best to resolve this crisis. No guest in our country should be offended or ever have to hear such over-the-top rhetoric as “illegal alien” again.
I live to serve.
The Cvillean 
My favourite: personal identity thief undocumented makeover artist
My fear is that this post will go viral and the government will read it and take it up.
Fear not. The closest that one of my posts ever got to going viral was the time my next door neighbor read it to her ailing husband, who passed away five minutes later. My luck.
Do you mind!?! I’ve just spluttered tea all over my computer!
I hope you’re this funny in person…if not, you have to refund my train ticket. No pressure.
Not really that funny in person. That’s why I have a little soft shoe routine as a back up.
P.S. How much do I owe you for the ticket?
I’ll bring my video camera.
Illegal alien felons currently making up at least 25% of our prison population…should we ccall them undocumenteed goverrnment facility residents?
I’m thinking more like….visiting experts in rehabilitation.
The world would be a whole lot less interesting without you in it……..
Thanks for the compliment (I think), but as soon as I’m gone, some other smartass will pick up the scepter. We’re a dime a dozen.
Hats off to a documented smarty-pants for these great, new terms.
As others have said, I don’t understand how many make no distinction between immigrants, the backbone and life blood of this country, and ILLEGAL immigrants.
For shame, Peg. How dare you take away their argument with logic?
Isn’t he a hairdresser or something. I know he’s famous for something but an appetite for survival makes me forget what it is 🙂
You were close, Peter. He’s a hairdresser’s nightmare.
Lol, great post Al!
Thanks, Tricia. The left will always provide great blog material.
The gift that keeps on giving for sure…
Thanks for doing your part, Al, to make us a kinder, gentler nation. Are you trying to get your hat in the ring to run for President or something?
If nominated, I will not accept. If elected, I will not serve. I like my low profile too much.
I had an uncle who was a pharmacist. When he and his wife traveled, he told everyone he was a drug dealer, much to her chagrin. He was definitely a Legal drug dealer.
Trump is an idiot. I have disliked him for years. Okay, he’s wealthy, but so what? He’s a jerk and if he’s the Republican nominee, I won’t vote for him. I like Carly Fiorina and want to see her debate Hillary.
PS I see red when people confound legal immigration with illegal migration. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I worked on immigration and foreign born issues forever…. Well, from 1977 when I went to work for Congress until 2006 when I retired from the Census Bureau. You did a good job of describing the process. The sad thing about most people is they really don’t understand it.
Your hedging too much on your opinion of Trump. This non committal attitude is part of the problem.
I meant You’re. This is National Typo Day isn’t it?
Trump is growing on me. I liked his press conference yesterday. I’m scaring myself!
Settle down. Have a glass of wine. Now say this mantra: “It’s OK to say what you think and not just what people want to hear.”
Well, he’s not my first choice. 😱
And an undocumented blogger? Come on…Al. I’m waiting… 😉
By the way, the Trumpinator’s mother came from Scotland and his father came from Germany. His real last name was Drumpf until his grandfather changed it to Trump to make it seem more “American.” And the rest, as we unfortunately know, is history. America welcomed the Drumpf’s but the Drumpf’s want to build a big freaking wall to keep out anyone they don’t think is American enough. Me thinks the Drumpf boy was sleeping in history class.
Actually, our history is rule of law.
🙂
GREAT! Al, this needs to go on Facebook. May I.
Jon
Go for it.