I believe most of you are aware of the “Grandfather Clause”. It came about as a way for politicians to pass unfavorable legislation by exempting all but new adherents to a new law. In other words, they admit the law sucks, but unless you are unfortunate enough to be a newcomer to whatever fields or policies are covered by it, you don’t have to obey it. You are considered “grandfathered” in to the old law. I suppose their thinking is that by doing this there will be so few railing against it at the beginning it will easily pass. By the time all those who are grandfathered in are retired or dead, everyone will be use to the law no matter how bad it is. New zoning restrictions are typically a favorite for grandfather clauses. I know, hard to believe politicians would be this devious isn’t it?
So what’s my point? With all these gender changes going on and new words for the “woke” among us to describe sexual orientation, I think it would be a good time for another one of those cool laws. Those of us who have lived our lives as men or women, referred to the other sex as she or he or Ms. of Mr., or used such barbaric terms as sister, brother, father, mother, daughter or son and nephew or niece are finding it very difficult to learn, let alone use all the new terms that are being cooked up on a daily basis.
Admit it, before the woke generation came on the scene you never heard the terms, cisgender, gender neutral, gender fluid, non-binary, bigender, pan-gendered, gender variant, two spirit, Mx (for Mr or Ms) or Ze and Hir (to replace he/she and his/her) or my personal favorite, “Nibling” (to replace niece or nephew). Frankly, I’m afraid to address anyone as other than “Hey, you” for fear of insulting someone’s view of themselves. Thank goodness “you” is not gender specific.
As a grandfather myself I feel it incumbent on me to offer a solution. Pass a new law that will please both us “boomers” and the progressives that are forever angry over how we address them. In short, “grandfather” in everyone who was born before the year 2000. If you’ve got a 2 starting the year of your birth, under the new law you would be required to use all the gender neutral terminology. First offense, a one week time-out at a predetermined safe space. Second offense, life in prison without the possibility of gender reassignment. If your birth year starts with a 1, you’re exempt and can actually refer to someone by their perceived sex. If you get it wrong, no harm, no foul. Of course, we’d have to wear an arm band at all times with a big “1” or a “2” stitched on it to identify us to the gender police, but hey, it worked for the Nazi’s, why not here?
There’s only one problem I see, the word “Grandfather” is too sexist. Perhaps call it the “Grandperson Who Currently Identifies As a Male” clause? Naturally, I would appreciate any suggestions for a more succinct phrase.
Don’t forget to tune in for my next blog post titled… A poll: “White Males, Should They Be Allowed to Live?”
(Photo courtesy of Bing Images)