This just in…Don Sterling sent to death row…developing…

In a move that is widely viewed as days overdue, it’s been reported that Don Sterling, the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers NBA professional basketball team, has been remanded to San Quentin prison to be summarily executed.

For those of my readers not from the USA , you can catch up on the story here, but basically, a few days ago Mr. Sterling made some repulsive racist remarks about blacks to his girlfriend, which she recorded, unbeknownst to him, as girlfriends do, and released to the press, as girlfriends also do. The Commissioner of the NBA immediately issued a lifetime ban on Mr. Sterling, stating he can no longer have any contact with his team. In addition, he was fined 2.5 million dollars, which if you’re keeping track, comes out to about 1.25 million dollars per insult. While the commissioner does not have the power to make him sell the team, the other owners in the league do have that power and are expected to do just that.

Having been excoriated by everyone in the country except John Kerry, who was relieved to have his “apartheid remark” scandal sent to page two, Mr. Sterling then suffered the ultimate indignity when he was told he was also banned for life by the famous Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada. Citing the frequent “visits” to the ranch by the very NBA players he insulted and the ranch’s dedication to screwing people one way or another, the brothel felt it should support their clients by banning Mr. Sterling from the premises.

But the story doesn’t end there. Referring to the comments as “beyond egregious” and ignoring all his Constitutional rights, such as right to privacy, freedom of speech, and investigation into evidence, the 9th District Federal Court of California has decided Mr. Sterling should not be banned for life but rather, banned from life. Hence the quick decision to have him executed before he says anything else offensive to the players to whom he pays millions and millions of dollars.

When reached for comment about his impending execution, his wife, sporting a kind of “deer in the headlights” look, responded; “he has a girlfriend?”


Don Sterling and his girlfriend at a recent game, just before she excused herself so she could  “text a friend.”