I wasn’t going to say anything, but I was egged on by today’s prompt “Picture the one person in the world you really wish were reading your blog. Write her or him a letter.” Here goes:
Thursday, November 29th, 2012
To: Exalted Grand Poobah of Freshly Pressed
Somewhere in cyberspace
Fm: Your lowly and unworthy subscriber, Big (but feeling very little) Al
Subj: My continued and conspicuous absence from FP
What’s the deal? Was it something I said? Something I didn’t say? I have been blogging for over two years and have yet to get even a pitiful morsel of praise from your heavenly fathers (and mothers) at FP. I have read and reread the helpful hints that you so graciously provide for qualifying to become one of the blessed. For the most part, I have followed them to the letter.
I wouldn’t mention it if all the other posts were adhering to them too, but a goodly number of the selected FPs violate those guidelines and still they are published. I read one recently that was about 10 paragraphs, single-spaced, droning on about some inane subject that only a poor soul incarcerated in solitary confinement could appreciate reading. And it and many others transgress one of your cardinal principles, that is, pictures, pictures, pictures! (see the gratuitous and self-promoting photo at end of this post).
OK, to be honest, I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to writing, but surely the law of averages suggests that at least one of my posts accidentally produced enough interest to achieve a higher readership. And lest you think I have a martyr complex, several posts that I follow which are of superior quality to my own have been woefully neglected by you as well. I mean, c’mon!
As I said, I wasn’t going to bring it up, but in the future, when the intellectual powers that be at WordPress FP gather together to beatify a subscriber, please just put away the dartboard and actually read one of my posts. If not for me, then at least for my poor sweet wife who thinks the sun rises and sets on me.( see below)
Your pal, Big Al
P.S. I’m guessing this post won’t make the cut either, huh?