There are differing schools of thought regarding so-called “off year” elections. One, that they are to be summarily dismissed as nothing more than the inconsequential squaring off of varsity politician wannabes, and two, that these are more important than national elections because they more immediately affect our local laws and regulations, i.e. they are “closer to home.”
I prefer to think of them as the reason I can’t find the letter from my Aunt Nettie in the mailbox this time of year. Invariably, it is sandwiched between the myriad flyers alluding that State Senator Wagner is a cheating, low-down, lying scumbag who eats his young and the ones implying that State Senator Wagner is indeed the second coming and will provide manna from heaven for all his constituents.
But let’s look a bit closer. Below is a picture of the same candidate, Frank Wagner, taken from two perspectives. The one on the left is from the opposition’s flyer. The one on the right is from his own campaign flyer.
The same man, correct? If you said yes, you’d be wrong.
Here’s why: The man on the left is Frank Wagner aka Lord Lucifer of the bottomless pit. The man on the right is Frank Wagner aka Gabriel the Archangel.
– The one on the left has disheveled hair that has obviously been singed by the hell fires of the Nether World. The one on the right has a coiffure that only a saint could pull off.
– The man on the left has an uneven flesh tone that shows his blood runs either hot or cold. This comes in handy when trying to steal the souls from unsuspecting voters. The man on the right has perfect flesh tone, suggestive of the innocence of a new-born baby, the type of person with whom you would trust yours.
– The man on the left has the dark, narrow, piercing eyes that we would expect from one so vile as Beelzebub himself. The one on the right has wide, soft, beautiful baby blues that say “let me make life a bit easier for you.”
– Look at the smile of the man on the left. It’s toothy, devious and obviously faked to lure in that naïve first time voter. The man on the right flashes a genuine smile that has “let’s get together for a beer” written all over it.
– And how about the nose? The man’s on the left has an abrupt curvature, no doubt from eons of inhaling sulfur and hot gases. The man on the right has a much more pleasant nasal outline implying a “no stench zone” surrounding his entire campaign.
– And the background. What a difference! On the left, the harsh red brick that one would naturally associate with a well-worn fire pit. Why, it could have been taken in the actual office of the Prince of Darkness! On the right, the soft calming blue, expressing caring and understanding. One naturally assumes it was taken of him unawares while he was visiting a children’s hospital.
So please help me out here. Should I vote for the man on the left, the Antichrist? Or should I vote for the man on the right, the Prophet? The fate of my district is in your hands!
The Cvillean 
I’d say the guy on the left looks as if he’s had, like, 10 too many drinks of whiskey. The one on the right could be the local pastor who was the quarterback prom king back in the day. Personally, I never trusted the quarterback prom king types… And local pastors. Hmmm. I’m just saying…
I’d have to have 10 too many drinks to vote for either of them!
That goes for many of the presidential candidates as well… 😐
Of course I’m not involved in this election but I’m sure I’d end up voting for the same guy as you. Common sense is common sense whatever the country you live in 🙂
Perhaps I can convince him to move to your district in London. Shall I give him the go ahead?
Luckily, we have plenty of politicians here already !!
Given that we live in the same State but different districts, I’m happy I did not have to make this difficult choice. In NOVA where I live there is no choice, we have one-party rule. Independents don’t get much support here either. David and I dutifully travel to the polling post every election, only to be frustrated becuse unless we vote for a representative of the People’s Republic of Arlington, we have no vote. We know they have promised us everything, but when you ask one of them how will “you” pay for it, they have no answer.
Now that we are older, those who knock on our door tell us about how they are building “Affordable Housing” as if just because you are older you would like to live in what used to be called “the projects.” “But I like my house and don’t want higher property taxes that will force me out,” I say, to which they have no answer. And such is the tale of woe for long-term residents in areas with ridiculous and rising property values.
Such is life in the suburbs of spend and tax city. I may be wrong, but I sense the pendulum has reached the apex of liberalism and may be arching down a bit back toward sanity.
Oh don’t call themLiberals, they don’t know what the word means, and don’t call them Progressives either. Progressives actually accomplished something like Civil Service reform. Mostly the current crop is composed of left-wing political hacks invested in crony capitalism. Think “Occupy” and “Black Lives.” Andrew Jackson has much to answer for!
Love it. I dream of a world where the extent of the campaign is each candidate saying, “here is where I differ from my colleague”, and then they proceed to do just that and only that, honestly, in plain, easy to understand English. I think I need to wake up.
There is no difference, Peg. They’re both out for power and money. Political office is an aphrodisiac for the ambitious. I’d better stop. I might become jaded about politics. Imagine.
I wonder if I can tape my mailbox shut during this campaign season. I see people sort their mail at the post office, dumping most of it in the trash bin. I guess printing and mailing companies make most of their profits at this time of year.
The candidates are hoping for just five to ten percent of the people to fall for their fairy tales. They couldn’t care less about folks throwing stuff in the trash. It’s all about percentages. I’m thinking of putting a shredder next to my mailbox with instructions for the mailman to put anything political in the shredder before filling the mailbox.
Does this help with your decision? “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know…”
The photo on the right looks like the man is wearing a hairpiece…
I’d vote for the man who has the left and right wing figured out – he seems to understand politics better than most.
Maybe I’ll vote for just sending the hair piece to the State House.
Very creative post Al and you totally nailed the silliness of campaign mailers. I always wonder who actually falls for them but apparently it works for on a to of Democrats. 😉 I’ve never heard that quote about both wings belonging to the same bird, made me pause a bit….
Thanks, Tricia. I tried to keep it generic, but you and I agree on that.
The final statement makes one think, but my mind is made up on this one.
Now all you have to do is make up my mind.