Elections at Ten Paces

It’s been two weeks since the excruciating election of 2020. And on it goes with lawsuits, threats and turmoil. Coupled with Coronavirus, it was a living hell, consisting of insults, innuendos and outright lies by both sides. But let’s face it, most national elections are like this. Worse yet, the next one starts a day after a new President is inaugurated.

There is controversy about about whether General George Patton ever stated that “politicians are the lowest life form.” But I assure you someone said it, because it’s true. I’ve repeated it many times myself.

There is further controversy about the author of the famous quote “No man’s life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session…” though it is generally accepted that it was first uttered by a lawyer named Gideon J. Tucker after suffering an unfavorable ruling in a court case in the mid-1800’s. Whatever the origination, I honestly believe most Americans right now would whole-heartedly agree with its premise.

Which brings me to the title of this post. I have joked many times about this but I think now, owing to the last two elections specifically, but all elections generally, I might have enough support to bring this topic to the fore. Presidential elections should be decided the old-fashioned way. By duels.

Consider the benefits. No more long-winded, boring campaign primary speeches that end up being nothing but platitudes and non-sequiturs. No standing in long lines in the cold to vote.

Just a field, honorable seconds, and reliable pistols. Primaries would be renamed “shoot offs”. Imagine the money that could be raised for charities from these televised “campaign events.” And due to the dangers involved there would likely be no actors, ex-bartenders, community organizers or TV reality show hosts participating and telling everybody how to live their lives. Just vile, ambitious, life-long politicians not willing to give up sucking off the government teat.

What’s that you say? The downside would be humans lives being taken. Were you not paying attention? They’re politicians! For the first time in your life, instead of saying to yourself, “will this election ever end?” you’ll find yourself saying, “damn, is it over already?”

So lets get out there and get this proposition on all the state ballots prior to the next election and then a Constitutional amendment for the national election.

And may the best shot win.

2024….our first woman President??